Posted by Rocky Jones on June 18, 2001 at 15:22:39:
I went to a support group once last year -- last summer -- that was already after I had lost the forty and put back on more... fucking a, what am I doing. You see, looking at this -- finally and honestly leads me to believe one thing -- I'm crazy and I am out of control. I could cry. Ooh, that doesn't sound terribly manly but it's the truth. Being a fatty is no fun. It's not. You should try it. But then again, you may not have the fatty sickness that I have.
You know what it is -- I can sit down and finish an entire pizza. It's total shamefilled but I could do it. Or I can eat fast food things like they're going out of style... I don't really know what it is....
I used to eat so much in celebration... you know, thinking like, oh, I can eat this because it's Christmas -- but then it turned into, I can eat this because its Friday... then it turned into, I can eat this because it is a day of the week.
I guess I just started eating anything I wante dto pretty much whenever I wanted to. Got on the scale this weekend and it read 225.
Gasp. That's dying fat for a man of my size. It's the truth. But you know what. Aparently one third of all us americans are becoming big fatty fatty two by fours.
So why am I writing all of this out?
Clear my fucking head. Get it out in front of me. This looks like as good a place as any to do. I can do it anywhere there's a computer. Don't have to carry around a journal with me. Don't have to memorize a password. Don't have to care that anyone's gonna know its me. My coworkers are all fucking morons and wouldn't even know how to turn on a computer if they were standing next to one.
Whatever. And who cares if they found out that Rocky is tired of being fat. "Hey, you hear dis?? Rocky's tired of being a fatty. Fucking A."
Yeah, whatever... so there it is. Rocky is tired of being fat and doesn't want to join a gym and make himself crazy. Really what he'd like to do is follow some of the suggestions of the support group meeting he went to but he doesn't want to go to the support group meetings and talk about it. He wants to talk about it hear by himself because really he doesn't like those people so much. Some of them were this and some were fat. I don't know. How did I slip into the third person. Frustration. Fatigue. Days are long. That's one of the reasons I got so fat. Never had time to exersice. I'm a nut twister. Don't get too much exersise twisint nuts...
The people in the group -- ooh, I'll call them pigs -- people in group -- yeah, the pigs all say that it doesn't matter if you exersice... it matters that you understand that this is a disease and that it will kill you.
Well, I get it finally.