Posted by Rocky Jones on June 20, 2001 at 10:23:40:
This is the getting better paradigm. For so long I have looked at the fat issue as just another of the thousands of things that I could hate myself for, but having stumbled onto the notion that it is an illnes, I can stop the recriminations and not feel so much shame and pain.
You know what, those are words you don't hear too much in the real world. You don't hear people saying that they feel shame and pain. You just see them driving around in their shiny new cars looking like they live the perfect life. I confess that very often I try to project the perfect life image also. But what is everyone else feeling and what is everyone else thinking about? Probably they are all thinking about themselves. And to be honest I really don't need to worry about them. That's the release of the Getting Better Paradigm -- I just need to face this illness straight forward because it can be recovered from.
I can feel myself getting stronger today. Beyond feeding myself the healthier healing foods in reasonable portions which is part of the eating side of this thing, I also decided to do some exercise -- something I hadn't done in a long time.
In the past exersice for me has been one of those do it for three days and get bored of it things. I mean, I walk everyday pretty much but doing any weight training, stretching or aurobics crap bores the hell out of me. I think I dive in always thinking of the results instead of just thinking that I'm adding this activiity to this moment because this will help me recover from the illness of this layer of fat around my belly.
That's all. I'm not concentrating on watching the layer of fat vanish, as I have done before... just concentrating on creating new attitudes about eating and exersice that will help me build a healthier life style.
So, day three -- morning -- and things are still going well I think. Feeling good. Haven't eaten any crap. Not yet anyway. And I'm feeling good because of it. More alive. Less weighted down. It is a hard feeling to get used to and it makes me have a craving for an egg sandwhich with some good fat producing american cheese melted over it for good measure. I think I will avoid the egg sandwhich today and see if I can't eat something healthy. Started bringing my own lunch to work so that I don't have to decide how to get something healthy at the deli -- if I make it I know what I'm getting and what went into it. Actually my wife made todays lunch and I know it is good and good for me.
I like the forum because I am the only one who ever uses it. I just saw it sitting here unused one day and decided to add these reports to it. Mostly they are for me... not you. Just a way to get my thoughts out because the grease monkeys with whom I work do not understand me. They can't and I used to hate them for that. Now I just talk to them on as as needed basis.
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