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The Lie that I'm not sure is a lie.

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Posted by Gravy Girl on December 06, 2001 at 16:04:32:

I was caught in the middle of a nasty divorce at the age of less than a year old. My grandfather on my dad's side had been accused of molesting all of his daughters (this later turns out to be true), so everytime I would go to visit my dad, my mother would ask me if anyone had "touched" me etc. Whether my grandfather had been there or not. I always answered, "No."

Now that I am older and looking back on my childhood, I realized that I started sexually acting out as young as four years old. In Kindergarten I was obsessed with getting a boyfriend and often got in trouble for chasing them around the school yard or for kissing.

I have many large black holes in my childhood. I have very very faint memories of inappropriate behavior, but mostly of my mom's then current husband.

So what has happened is that I have come to believe that I was abused as a child, but as to who did the abusing, I have no idea. Because both sides of my family have insisted it happened to me, I told my mothers side of the family that my father did it, and I have told my dad's side of the family that my stepfather did it.

So I feel guilty. I feel guilty for several reasons:

1. I have no whole memories of being abused in such a
way as a child.

2. If I was abused, I don't know who did it.

3. If I am completely wrong and neither one of them
abused me, then I have ruined the names of two men
for the sake of pleasing everyone.

Please give me some advice. I desperately need to put this to rest.

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