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Re: My husband lies-says everyone does

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Posted by Gina on June 08, 2001 at 08:30:20:

In Reply to: Re: My husband lies-says everyone does posted by Robert on June 07, 2001 at 12:10:54:

I'd have to say that I think Distraught and her lying husband should go to a few sessions of couples counseling where they can air their problems and take a few steps toward the truth. I'd like to ask if you have shared all these thoughts with your husband? A good relationship means talking about your doubts as well. I say talk talk talk -- and find someone who can help facilitate healing conversation and maybe healing transformation.

: : I have found out that my husband has been dishonest about several things. He lied on a credit application for a car that we were buying together. I had changed jobs a month prior and he put my previous job information down. Because I signed a blank application for the finance person to process, I was unaware until my husband called to say that the financing company needed my updated information. The credit company called my new employer and I stated that I was moving on to another company which paid more. I offered the new company information etc. As a result, the company took the car back and stated that they didn't want to do business with us. We ended up getting a different car after, so he now has a reliable auto to drive to his new job. When I asked him why he put down the incorrect information, he stated that he just wasn't thinking. In a heated discussion this week, I asked him again why he lied on that credit application. He stated "we needed that car"...."if you hadn't screwed up, we would still have it." Since then, he has lied about other things. He failed to tell me that he had a new bank account, that he joined a gym for a day and then cancelled, and during his first few weeks of the new job, he has been hard to find. He was eating breakfast one morning when I needed to get information from him for the mortgage lender. When I finally found him later in the afternoon, he told me he was on his way from one branch to another. Later I found a receipt. He was having breakfast at the time and didn't bother to tell me. In addition to all of this, he leaves early and comes home late. He seems to rush out when I'm here or sleep in when I leave early. He also lied to me about a hotel bill stating that there was an undue charge on our credit card. That he didn't actually charge anything. I had to talk to him for hours to get him to actually be honest about what the charges were for. Whenever we discuss all of these little lies (there have been others), he says that "everyone lies". I don't think that is the case. I've been married to this man for 9 months now. He was married previously to a woman for 7 months - he stated that she cheated on him while he was away on business and that ended there marriage. He also stated that they had many problems. When he left to go away on business recently (for his new job), said "you aren't going to do anything while I'm gone are you?". I stated that I am a different person from his ex. I also reminded him that I know how some business trips can be when there are many people coming together from all over. He said I had nothing to worry about. I was married previously for nearly 7 years. Please....can someone tell me why a man would lie about things when there is no real reason. Is he trying to get out of this relationship? He stated last night (after we argued for several hours) that he wanted to stay married and that he was sorry that he had been a bad husband. He also said many things that hurt last night. At one point he said that he wanted a divorce "right now". He also said that he wanted to come home to someone how "has it together" and "has confidence". I had a lot of confidence when I first met him. He seems different to me too....almost egotistical. I'm in pain. Please help.

: Dear "distraught,"

: Everybody does not lie. Your husband lies. You already know this. How long do you think any marriage based upon lies ought to last?

: Robert

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