Posted by Robert on June 28, 2001 at 03:42:09:
In Reply to: Re: Behind the lies posted by Choked on June 25, 2001 at 05:36:59:
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: : : my husband and i have been married for 2 years now;
: : : since then he has been reporting everything that happened inside our couple to his parents and never recognized it may be because i was willing to believe him. now that i have discovered his lies i feel humiliated and betrayed i just want to walk out on him and find me another man especially that with him i do not have any sexual life at all because he has an erectional problem which might be behind his lies.
: : : if you can help me...
: : Dear Choked,
: : How long has this dysfunction been going on? If your husband is still fairly young and suffering erectile difficulties, he should see a doctor to find out if his problem is a physical condition. Perhaps he is a candidate for "Viagra." As for his less than truthful relationship with you, perhaps he is embarrassed to admit his, (pardon the pun), shortcomings. Advise him to get a physical exam.
: : Sincerely,
: : Robert
: Hello Robert
: thank you for your advice;in response to your question:this has been going on from the very first time that i knew him; by then i just figured out that it was momentary or might be due to the fact that as he said i was too beautiful for him... i was sure that once married it would eventually disappear but things grew worse..he would never admit his problem and then finally when he did he made a complete check-up and got sure that his problem was a psychological one and he stopped there. no need to see a therapist!he thinks he can resolve it by himself,and no need to take a medecine it's shameful for him(and if you want to know the truth; myself i cannot stand the idea that a man needs to take viagra to be able to go to bed with me!!!) he's 34 and i'm only 27(i said'only' because i think it's too much for me to bear).
: "As for his less than truthful relationship with you, perhaps he is embarrassed to admit his, (pardon the pun), shortcomings."
: if he has difficulties to admit his short comings
: don't you think that he should have shown some care and respect to the intimacy of his home rather than having such a shameful attitude?
: or would you say that afterall he has no intimacy at all to be respected!
: thank you again for the attention you paid to my problem.
Dear Woman,
I really don't want to address you as "Choked" any more. It has far too many negative connotations. Besides that, you need to ask yourself what attracted you to this man you call your husband in the first place? Were there no clues then? You may be "too beautiful for him," but if he is feeling inadequate because of this, what does he look like to himself? Does he have such low self-esteem that he feels he does not deserve being loved by you? Has he placed you so high on a pedestal that he now feels too low to reach for you? If he won't see a therapist, perhaps you have no other choice but to leave him. I frankly think that you may be correct regarding his lack of emotional stability. Have you asked yourself, is this the man for you? Will he ever be? Could he be your best friend? Would he make a good father? Is he supportive in any other ways? Do you still find anything about him that makes you think a quality relationship is possible? A few more questions, really two-folded ones. Do you both work? And, if so, who could be said to be the "major bread-winner"? Are you above him in education, profession, etc., that may give him any excuse to feel inadequate or unworthy of you? Have you emasculated him in any way?
Sincerely,
Robert