Posted by robyn on September 28, 2001 at 12:04:16:
In Reply to: am I expecting too much understanding? posted by robyn on September 24, 2001 at 04:34:53:
: I met someone on the net over a year ago. My profile stated my age as actually 7 years different than my actual age. I went to england to meet him in person, fell in love, and after 6 weeks decided to become engaged. I knew in my heart he still thought I was 36, it caused me many sleepless nights and I prayed for the courage to tell him. Unfortunately, that courage only came recently, after another year and another 2 month trip over there- more marriage plans and this awful lie still hanging over my head. Well I told him. Needless to say, his reaction was less than compassionate and understanding. He says he doesnt respect me or trust me, cant have a rel built on that. I totally agree I was so so wrong to with hold the info so long, and Ive no excuse other than my own fear. But I guess in my mind, when i reverse the roles, I dont see myself reacting as he has- but maybe thats my own subconscious defense mechanism? I mean, he could tell me he had 2 kids somewhere now, or tell me he's a different age, or tell me he's divorced, any number of things that while they would be a shock, I would certainly understand his reticence to tell me but be glad he finally did. am I expecting too much to think he should have reacted simi;larly? Isnt loving someone being about providing a safe place for them to be honest, so they dont need to fear and live lies in order to be together?
: oh god I dunno Im so confused. any opinions you can offer from both male and female point of view would be welcome
appreciate the replies- and seems as I thought personally as well, that no, there is really no viable excuse for the lie itself- a general lack of self-confidence is certainly indicated of course. Part of my difficulty with his reaction, is that I think we all have some differing degrees of what we consider "acceptable" lies with certain people- and yet his reaction is SO indignant that he projects an attitude of one who would NEVER stoop to such tactics.
I dont know. Im still dealing with this every day in confusion, and thanks for your replies
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