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Aloof and deceptive....

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Posted by distraught on November 15, 2001 at 19:20:18:

I'm writing to see if anyone out there can explain to me why my husband has and continues to be dishonest. We have been in marriage counseling for over 3 months now. Since the beginning of our relationship, when things get rough, he says he wants a divorce. I mean to say that when we argue, he either throws his ring at me or suggests a split. I've confronted him with this and he states that he wasn't thinking clearly because he was angry. In addition, he lied to me about having bank accounts. He recently became employed at a bank and opened two accounts there. He told me about one of them because it was to be our new joint account. He also opened another and said there was no money in either account. After I called the bank to check up on him, I found out that he had used both accounts. He stated that he only opened the second account as part of a contest. Then he closed both accounts. He also stated that he "had been a bad husband" because he joined a gym to workout without telling me which he cancelled a few days later. He also hid a potential business venture from me. On our One Year anniversary which was two days after 9/11, I was confirming with him when his next Doctor's appointment was because I was offering to go with. He stated that he - "I mean WE are" was going to Arizona to check out this company he was interested in. This was the first I'd heard of the whole thing and of course I was upset. There was no way I was going to get on a plane at that time either. Well, he didn't go to Arizona afterall. In addition, he has been aloof and deceptive on many occasions. He doesn't seem interested in anything I do anymore. Saturday night, he went to his friends house (at the spur of the moment) because he said he needed to think about our relationship. I went to dinner alone, then to a bookstore - Got home around 11:00. He came sneaking in at around 2:00 AM. The next day not a word was said about what I had done the night before. He didn't even ask. I had to tell him just to make myself feel better. WHY? I'm so upset and disenchanted right now. He was suicidal a month ago and threatened to "blow his brains out". I didn't even know there was a gun in the house until I found a loaded one in the closet. When I confronted him with the gun and the fact that I'd taken the bullets out, he acted like it was no big deal. I need some help...counseling isn't working because he keeps going back and forth with his behavior. I told him I wanted out of the relationship earlier this week and now he is playing nice guy. He is talking to me a lot and trying to communicate again. I just want out. Am I doing the right thing? I've been divorced before and I don't want to go through the shame of being divorced again. Help!

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