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Foolish decisions

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Posted by anon on February 07, 2002 at 15:07:22:

I've read a lot of stories on here recently and have decided to write something regardless what feedback, comes back at me.
I will start by clueing you all in that I write in a journal. You'll understand why I am telling you that as you keep reading. Three years ago I started seeing someone I knew for about a year or two socially, and I fell in love with him. Needless to say everything was always so confusing and he always left me hanging by the limb, he never gave straight answers, always exagerates every story, lied so he didn't have to face the truth that what he did was wrong, and basically did (still does) a lot of cocaine. Needless to say we have been off and on for 3 years, more off then on in the last two. I chose to keep going back with him, even knowing he is a flat out liar. This is my fault, I'm not blaming him, believe me. I recently dated a man for the last 8 mths., before basically dumping him when I ran into what I thought was the love of my life again ( the liar). The man I dumped treated me with honesty and respect and most men I've dated have, the liar is my exception. I don't know what it is about him, but here it is 3 years later and I find myself back around him again and when I look at my journal, I don't even have to write because everything I feel now, I wrote down 3 years ago. That is the messed up part! I have made up excuses for him to my friends, family,....ext., in the past but I am finally starting to realise he has a serious cocaine addiction and will not ever be able to have a "normal" relationship as long as the cocaine is in the picture, I also believe it plays a big part with the lies. He still tells me the same thing he told me 3 years ago. I've been clean for 6 months. Lies, Lies, Lies, but you know what? I can only blame myself for being around this long because I've known all along that the clean for 6 months was said to try and keep me around. I continued to see him knowing he was still doing it (not just once in a while, whenever he had money for it)and I am the fool here not him. When you meet someone and maybe even fall in love, and you overlook the little lies and ignore the big ones, no one else is to blame but yourself! We allow the liars out there to walk all over us. I've been called a fool by most that know who he is. And I've been mind picked by friends who don't understand why I demand respect from other men but accept that I don't get it from him. Well, I think I'm on my way to recovery here..after 3 years.....lol I am tired of being with a lousy liar and will go back to the nice guy who knows how to treat a women but this time will not drop the nice guy for the lousy liar! My point to all of you out there dealing with the liars, and I'm not talking about little white lies here either, is that maybe if you read this and see that on and off for 3 years and he hasn't changed, well hopefully if your with someone who is a chronic liar you'll understand that it is a losing battle here, and if you meet someone else who treats you with honesty and respect regardless if the truth hurts sometimes, well he is worth holding onto, and you'll be sorry you dumped him in the long run. I know I miss being treated like a lady, that is for sure.

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