we tell ourselves

We've always done it.  Maybe we always will.

Please include the word "lie" in the subject.

Great Lies We Tell Ourselves:
Magically and Without Effort Lie
From: Gerty W.

I know I'm Lying Lie
from: Mike Baker


Must Women Sit To Pee?

Is He A Cheater and a Liar?

Who Says It Pays To Be A Nice Guy?
Bill Galloway

©copyright 1998 Bill Galloway




























































Am I an idiot or what?

You've probably heard the cliché that it doesn't pay to be a nice guy, well based upon my experience, I know this to be sometimes true. I've had more than enough instances in my life where people have taken advantage of me because I actually am 'a nice guy' and they have even lied to me to get what they want. Has this ever happened to you? Let me share with you my most recent experience in which this occurred. I drive a cab for a living; and a couple of months ago I picked up an attractive young woman who used her charm and wit to take advantage of my good nature and get a free cab ride. This woman, who told me her name was Lee Eldin, could not pay for her cab fare and also lied to me about paying me back.

Lee Eldin, if that is her real name, told me that she had just completed a drug rehabilitation program and was on her way home to Paso Robles, which she said was on the other side of the state in Southern California. She needed a ride to the Santa Rosa Amtrak bus stop just a few miles away from where I picked her up at. Although Lee told me that she did not have any money before she got into the cab, she assured me that I would be paid. She claimed to have cash waiting for her via a money gram through Western Union. So I, being all too helpful and trusting, did not hesitate to offer my taxi cab services to her.

Even though I thought Lee was cute, my motivation to help was really just to be a nice guy. Besides, she was already married. Lee told me that she was attempting to get her life back in order so that she could be with her two-year-old child. The courts had separated her from her daughter and husband while she was going through the process of getting clean and sober. I was touched by her sad story and honestly believed that she was going through a difficult period of transition. However, the more we talked, the less sympathetic I felt toward her situation. Lee's husband was still using drugs and; although she claimed to have quit even before going into a drug treatment program, she became sober not for herself, but to satisfy a court order. This makes me think that she will eventually go back to using drugs again.

Looking back on this experience, I also realize that I too was guilty of abandoning good judgement. I consider myself to be a fair judge of character, but this time I was duped. And to justify my actions, I told myself that I was doing a good deed; and besides that it was not a busy morning so I wasn't losing other cab fares. Despite my rationalizations, it was my mistake to expect payment, knowing full well that she did not have any money regardless of her circumstances. But instead of denying her a cab ride, I offered to help anyway. I figured that I would get paid once we found a place where she could get access to the money that she claimed to have waiting for her.

First, we stopped at an automotive repair shop down the street from where I picked Lee up, so she could barrow a phone book to find a place that offers Western Union's services. Next, we went to two supermarkets. Lee was in and out of the first store within a few minutes, but was gone for about a half an hour at the second location. The first supermarket no longer carried Western Union's services; and unfortunately for me there wasn't any money waiting for her at the other place that we checked either.

By this point, I was rather annoyed with Lee. She had just wasted close to an hour of my time. The meter had run to about twenty dollars; and I felt confused about how I should handle this situation. It was obviously moving from bad to worse. To help her save money, I even shut the meter off for a short period of time while she checked on the status of her supposed funds.

I was hesitant about getting the police involved. Although, I knew at this point that Lee was a screwed-up individual, a part of me still wanted to help her. For some odd reason I felt like I was doing the right thing. Maybe I should have my head examined? The other reason I did not call the police is because I did not want to see her arrested and go to jail. Besides that, I would not only still be out the money that she now owed me, but more importantly, I'd be losing a considerable amount of money by not being out on the road seeking other fares. Either way I looked at it, I was caught in a losing battle.

Also, little did I know at the time that I was playing perfectly into Lee's scheme. This woman, who could have easily won an academy award for her acting performance, became emotionally distraught and I thought that she was going to start crying. So instead of confronting her about the money that she now owed me, I felt sorry for her. And even though I was suspicious and did not trust her, I gave her ten dollars so that she could pay for her bus trip home. Am I an idiot or what? Lee was thrilled by my generosity. She smiled and gave me a warm hug goodbye as well as promised to send me thirty dollars to cover the cost of the cab ride and the money that she borrowed from me.

Lee assured me that I would receive the money that she owed me within a few days. I realize that you can not always take people at their word, especially a complete stranger, so I took a necklace of hers as collateral, which she reluctantly gave me. Lee told me that the necklace had sentimental value because her grandmother gave it to her. This made me think that this might encourage her to pay me back that much sooner. Well, I thought wrong. Although we exchanged addresses, after two weeks had passed without a response from her, I realized that I had been taken. Out of the slim hope that Lee might have accidentally lost my address, I decided to mail her a letter reminding her of our agreement. By this point, I wasn't too surprised when my letter was returned to me a few days later. She had given me a false address.   

Looking back now, I can see that I was not upset about the money. What disturbs me most of all is that Lee did not keep her word with me. And while the majority of people who I give cab rides to will not only pay me, but will also leave me a tip, this is not the first time that someone has taken advantage of my good nature. You see, I also made the mistake of telling her about a similar situation in which I had gotten an Italian made suit that was one size too large for me from a passenger who could only pay me twenty dollars on a eighty dollar cab fare. This gentleman and I say that rather loosely, promised to pay me back too; and I never heard from him again. I called the police that next day and was told by an officer of the law that once you make a barter agreement with someone it moves from being a criminal matter into being a civil one.

In hindsight, it was not wise of me to divulge this information to Lee, as I was providing her with the knowledge that allowed her to take advantage of me. But at the time, I also did not know that I was going to be getting ripped-off again. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, however, the next time something like this happens I will be more cautious and might even call the police. But in all honesty, I am not sure exactly what I will do in the future. What I do know is that I wanted to write a story about how someone took advantage of me for being a nice guy.

click here for the illustrated:
I'm Only In It For The Money

A Little White Line Lie
from: "d"

i lie to everyone i know except for my mate, who i am very close to, about drugs.   i mean, you kind of have to in this uptight world.   i tell everyone i don't do them any more.   well, i don't do heroin any more - that much is true - but most people just aren't going to be able to handle knowing that i still do speed.  only once a month (i can't afford to do it more often than that) but no one i know would ever hang around anyone who was doing it even that often.  or rather, that they knew was doing it that often.  (shrug) without it, i'm pretty damn near narcoleptic.







I Know I'm Lying Lie
From: Mike Baker

It's hard to say what lies I've told myself.  Usually when I lie to myself I know I'm lying. Like "I'll do it tomorrow."  I know I won't.  I'll either procrastinate some more or I'll just plain forget.  But there is a lie that I sometimes believe...

"I have friends."

The truth is that we are all all-alone.  We have our heads, our secret heads, that no one can ever, will ever know.  Loyalty may be considered a virtue but even the most loyal friend is still serving his/her own ego.  It is the ego that separates us.  The Buddha sought escape from the ego.  He knew that the ego was an illusion that bound us to our mortal coil.  To escape the ego is to rejoin what we are already a part of.  God.  He/She/It is everywhere, everything and every time.  I've more to say about that but I'm getting off track and, well, I could be wrong (although I don't think I am).

What I do know is this:  Friendship, family, community, etc. are all illusion.  They are a product of ego and familiarity.  They become comfortable and we don't want to let go of them.  We work to keep it and if we leave it we get nostalgic for it.  But if you take it all away, all the lies, the illusions, you do find what really matters.  It's precious and little understood but it is the foundation of all that makes what we value.  It's kindness.  That's all.  That's the truth.   Kindness is the glue that holds together the universe.  Kindness has no destruction.  It is all.  Think about it.

Magically, Without Effort Lie
From: Gerty W.

I tell myself all sorts of lies.  Some are little:  "I'm not that fat."  And some are of the "bold face" variety: "That didn't hurt."  "I don't care if he calls."  "I'm not jealous."   But there are dark lies, too.  Lies that I want to keep telling.  "I can still achieve that distant dream of mine, I just don't have time."   "I'm not getting older."  "I still have potential."   These are the dangerous lies because I want to keep them hidden from view.   They soothe me.  They comfort me.  They keep me a victim.  Believing these lies means I can continue to believe I'm not responsible for making my dreams come true.  I can fantasize that one day, in the future, that desire will be fulfilled.   Magically, without effort.

There is one big lie lurking in the back of my psyche that truly scares me.   Its gnashing teeth motivate me to keep moving toward my dreams.  Sometimes I move forward, backward, and sideways, but any movement is progress.  That lie is, "I never really wanted to be that anyway, so it's good I didn't waste time trying."  That lie, is massive. It makes standing still seem appealing.   And if I believed in that lie, I wouldn't put my shoes on in the morning.  I wouldn't ever pick up a paintbrush, or sit down at the computer, or try anything that frightens me.  That lie means, "Give up now, before you actually believe in yourself, before you fail, before you get hurt." 

East Or West, Which Is Best? Lie:
From: Didi S. DubelyeW

I live on the East Coast and often tell myself that this doesn't matter.  That it's actually really better to live here.  For my lifestyle.   For my work & sense of well-being.  That I'm happier writing from this vantage point. Being the "Outsider" and polishing my Otherness badge like an artsy film-outlaw who rides into town and becomes the Sheriff while the crookedy-crooks quake in their boots.

The truth is that there are daily moments when I question this truism. Do I really believe that I am better off here?  Does it matter to my career? Am I afraid I'll get pulled into some maelstrom of sex, drugs and rock n roll or some newfangled and unavoidable lure of the Hollyweird?

Either way, a good lie is warmer than a blanket on a chill El Niño night.



North Country Girl

I agree with anon, who wrote here "..lies are not as complicated as the truth."   The lies in my life are banal and nasty, used as a defense against banal nasty people who wouldn't believe, or couldn't take, the truth in any of its beautiful forms. I also agree with the writer who says that the one truth we are left with is kindness.

In that spirit, I offer some of the amazing things in my recent past that are true in every dimension, that sound like stupid lies:

My dying father really doesn't want an operation, and it's o.k. with me, there are as many ass-men as tit-men; having a baby isn't frightening or traumatic; when I called in sick Memorial Day, I was spiking a fever; I really don't get mad at the autistic student who hits me; I've never seen the X-Files, Ally McBeal, Baywatch, ad nauseum; women like Penn and Teller and, especially, to all my phone-sex customers- the reason it was always so good with us is easy to explain- just listen, and tell the truth.With kindness.

Is He A Cheater and a Liar?

send in your lie




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