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Lies
Women Tell Men

 

LIES PEOPLE TELL SURVEY FORM

What is best when the new boyfriend asks,
"How many guys have you slept with?"

 

You're My First Lie

from: Marie & Jessica

How about when a girl has to lie?   Like when she is dating a guy and he has to ask the inevitable question: "How many guys have you slept with?"

Well, it puts us girls in a very awkward position.  We have to lie!  If they knew the truth we wouldn't be getting sex from them. 


Come on guys, you don't really want to know the truth on that one, do you?    (NO, NO, Honey, really, you're my first.)

LIES PEOPLE TELL
survey:

What is best when the new boyfriend asks,
"How many guys have you slept with?"

THE TRUTH


My ex-boyfiend moved in to my apartment. We have been talking on the phone every day, he is from Oakland i'm in San Diego. On the phone he told me that he misses me and want's to see me. he is with me now, he doesn't show no affection. We slept in the same bad for 2 nights, he didn't even make a move on me. There is this other guy that i like so much. I'm afraid to tell him the truth. I don't know what to do. I don't want to kick out my ex-boyfriend from my apt. He said he came down here to San Diego to go to school , change his life and be with me. I don't feel that he loves me. Please help me , what should i do.
thank you
                --- Elena

What you do depends on what you want out of this "relationship". If you want anything more than a four month fling that will leave you either heartbroken or (conversely and worse) filing for a restraining order, then tell the god damned truth. If you want or expect nothing more than the other crap, then by all means lie away. Of course then you don't have quite the same motives to lie to someone you aren't expecting much from.

Assuming you are expecting much from someone, nothing is gained by lying about this. The thing is, if you are the kind of person who gets physical quickly (and I think there is nothing *inherently* wrong or debasing about doing that), then that is who you are. If you're getting into a relationship with someone, why pretend to be what you are not? Lying to pretend to be more or less sexually active than you really are is worse than other "make me look good to this guy because I really like him" lies you might tell, like lying about your job or your family. At least in those cases, you are not *guaranteeing* what I call "spill over". When you lie about jobs or family, as long as the boyfriend to be can be kept out of your professional life or away from your parents, he might never find out that you work in the mailroom and not as an administrative assitant on the 15th floor. And he might never discover that your mom is more Mommie Dearest than June Cleaver (unless she calls and leaves you a boozey, rambling message on christmas or something) .

But if you lie about sex to a guy you are planning to be physically and emotionally intimate with, you are GUARANTEEING spill over. What are you gonna do when you have sex with this guy? Are you going to grow back your hymen? Do exercises to tighten up so you don't hear the horrifying question "is it in?" Are you going to act all innocent and unknowing? Do you think anyone's gonna buy it? If the guy really likes you, then he will want to believe what you say, but will get creeped out when your body and unconscious sexual behaviors tell him otherwise. And rightly so. It's creepy when someone lies about this stuff. It's extra creepy when they do it BADLY and there is little you can do to improve the quality of a sex lie you tell to someone you are going to have a sexual relationship with.

So if you're looking for love, smarten up and tell the truth. Try to be considerate about the timing, and don't (for god's sake!) give details. Don't wistfully zone out and say "yeah, then there was Mark....or was it Fred?...hm..." That's bad. Be honest, don't do it in bed or with someone's clothes off (more threatened and vulnerable that way), and make sure you ask him for his history too in order to even the playing field.

If you talk and if he screams and runs away, then he's a baby who needs to go back to momma and not play with the big boys and girls. The hell with him.
-LS (formerly -G)

                --- Laura

i lost my virginity @ age 16, got married at age 18, got divorced at age 20...from the ages of 16-24 i slept with 21 different men (NOT counting the 4 years i was with the man i married b-cuz we were together since i was 17 up until i was 21)this means that i had sex w/ 20 men in 3 1/2 years, i have had PID once and 3 other STDs more than once and because of this for 6 1/2 months i was celibate, let me tell you...those 6 1/2 months of abstinence were THE BEST b-cuz i didn't have to even think about being sick or risking my health to get an orgasm, i admit i was foolish and did very stupid things (like having unprotected sex w/ many partners) now i have a boyfriend and i only have sex w/ him BUT when we 1st began our relationship he asked and i was honest, i told him EVERYTHING, he knows all about my sexual history and he has told me his too, we respect each other and so we keep the lines of communication open 24-7, i thank God that i never got AIDS or any other incurable STD, everyday i thank God for my life and my health and i regret my past but i learned from it, i was dumb back then, i'm much wiser now knowing that i am the ONLY person who has to care about my body and respect and love myself enough to cherish and protect my health, TELL THE TRUTH, how can u have a real relationship and you start it with a lie or deception? that's wak! keep it real, u don't hav 2 go into the gory details just be honest, i did, my boyfriend and i are in love and hopefully one day i'll be able to get pregnant and have a healthy, normal child, that is my only fear, that all of the diseases i've had over the years have permanently damaged my reproductive system, i've been pregnant once in my life, that was 5 years ago and unfortunately it ended in a miscarriage when i was 2 months pregnant, i seriously doubt that i can ever even get pregnant again, that thought makes me very sad...women, please protect yourself and ALWAYS make him wear a latex condom or get tested every 3 months for ALL of the STDs and make him get tested with you IF you have unprotected sex, your life and your health isn't worth it, i'll never forget the horrible pain my body's felt and the mental anguish of thinking that i'll never experience the joy of having my own son or daughter one day, this is something i deal w/ daily, don't be like me :(
                --- "Anon"

i lost my virginity @ age 16, got married at age 18, got divorced at age 20...from the ages of 16-24 i slept with 21 different men (NOT counting the 4 years i was with the man i married b-cuz we were together since i was 17 up until i was 21)this means that i had sex w/ 20 men in 3 1/2 years, i have had PID once and 3 other STDs more than once and because of this for 6 1/2 months i was celibate, let me tell you...those 6 1/2 months of abstinence were THE BEST b-cuz i didn't have to even think about being sick or risking my health to get an orgasm, i admit i was foolish and did very stupid things (like having unprotected sex w/ many partners) now i have a boyfriend and i only have sex w/ him BUT when we 1st began our relationship he asked and i was honest, i told him EVERYTHING, he knows all about my sexual history and he has told me his too, we respect each other and so we keep the lines of communication open 24-7, i thank God that i never got AIDS or any other incurable STD, everyday i thank God for my life and my health and i regret my past but i learned from it, i was dumb back then, i'm much wiser now knowing that i am the ONLY person who has to care about my body and respect and love myself enough to cherish and protect my health, TELL THE TRUTH, how can u have a real relationship and you start it with a lie or deception? that's wak! keep it real, u don't hav 2 go into the gory details just be honest, i did, my boyfriend and i are in love and hopefully one day i'll be able to get pregnant and have a healthy, normal child, that is my only fear, that all of the diseases i've had over the years have permanently damaged my reproductive system, i've been pregnant once in my life, that was 5 years ago and unfortunately it ended in a miscarriage when i was 2 months pregnant, i seriously doubt that i can ever even get pregnant again, that thought makes me very sad...women, please protect yourself and ALWAYS make him wear a latex condom or get tested every 3 months for ALL of the STDs and make him get tested with you IF you have unprotected sex, your life and your health isn't worth it, i'll never forget the horrible pain my body's felt and the mental anguish of thinking that i'll never experience the joy of having my own son or daughter one day, this is something i deal w/ daily, don't be like me :(
                --- none of your business

I will dump a woman at the first sign of inconsistency with the truth. A relationship based on lies never works.
                --- Anon

you can lie about sleeping with 15 or more guys and say you only slept with 2 but the std tests don't lie. You may say "well I have been tested I am clean" well here is news for you some stds don't have any tests so many people out there have disease and are and are spreading that crap like wildfire.
also if you lie and give someone a disease someone could be unstable mentally and they might get really pissed off and cut your dick off or smash your car up or slit your throat or shoot you or many other revenge ideas. DONT LIE its hazardous to your health!
                --- hey


People lie big time in especially about the number of partners and most lie to tell people a low end number. Don't believe it. Many people stds go around telling people they are virgins, how laughable is that! I don't care if the guy or gal says they are an angelic virgin sent from heaven. Drag their ass to the clinic and get them tested for everything! It will affect your entire future sex liFE!! The CDC says safe sex is getting EVERY new partner tested not just condom use alone!!!!!! and after that get them tested again. make sure they get the new hpv/genital wart test is taken as well that is an especially spreading and nasty deforming disease.
Get one disease free partner, be thankful you found a clean partner with the rising std rates climbing with no slowing down in sight and getting worse, and be wild, happy, uninhibited, worry-free fun, earth shattering orgasms. Party on and hold on to them they are hard to find. GREAT Sex is about quality not quantity.
                --- Dave


I believe the truth is the best method because if you don't the truth eventually comes out ond you are really put in a spot to keep lying and from then on if you wanted a meaningful relationship it just won't work with lies. If your partner is unhappy with how many partners you have had then you wasn't meant to be with them anyway. This is just my opinion.
                --- Carla Hernandez

Trust and honesty are two key components in any relationship. If you can't be honest with your boyfriend about how many people you've slept with than you can't be honest with your self and the guilt will weigh on your conscience until it consumes you. Being true to yourself is Key to having a happy and fulfilling life. When you own up to the things you have done in the past there is more hope for recovery.
                --- "Anon"


I am a 20 year old virgin. My boyfriend of about a year now is 23 and we have very different pasts. I was raised in a fairly sheltered environment and he is my first boyfriend (though that is by choice.) When we got together he knew I was a virgin but I felt like I needed to know about his past. I think it is very important just to be honest with people. He told me he had had sex with 5 girls but been intimate with a lot more. I didn't need to know this because I was worried about disease or about whether I was better than them but I believe that when you have sex with someone or are very close to them that takes a little part of you. I basically needed to know how much baggage he had and what kind of past I was going to be dealing with. Because I know about his past I can understand him better and sometimes know why he thinks the way he does or why he is a certain way. Things that I might not be able to understand if I didn't know where he was coming from. Honesty is always best. A relationship that starts out with dishonesty is going to mess up down the line. It also matters what kind of relationship you have with the person though. If it is serious then they should know. He doesn't need to know on the first date.
                --- grace

I tell him 2 guys b/c that is the truth damn it, i cared for neither of them & I'm 20 years old. Guys dont believe me b/c I have a nice body & cte face & pretty funny personality to keep them interested but I really have very little sexual experience:(
                --- kristal

I wouldn't normally ask that question before going to bed with someone. I'd much rather hear "I don't want to discuss that" or "that's not your business" than to be lied to.

One woman recently told me she's been with about 100 lovers in her life (she's 35), and she's still friendly, if not friends with, most of them. It doesn't bother me at all - she's learned some interesting things to do in bed from some of them.
                --- Anthony

I cannot figure how telling how many partners you have had is going to assist your partner in measuring if they are at risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease. You find that out by being tested by a doctor. It only takes one other partner to catch one, and I would advise anyone who is a virgin to tell them so for your own emotional and physical well-being.

I have no qualms about being honest about how many people I have slept with..but what exactly does a number give a person?

I prefer to be honest in advising my partner of any troubled relationships I have had..I feel this is far more productive and useful in helping them to understand my past and any baggage I might be carrying around.

I have had seven lovers including my current partner. Can anyone tell me if that number is really any different to three or twenty? If we are going to share numbers lets keep them in context..I sincerley think this is a stupid question=(
                --- "Anon"


well that is the most important thing in a realationship is trust.so i would think the truth.
                --- Britt

Honesty is the best policy. If he found out you had lied to him you may lose him altogether. However telling the truth if you did lose him because if this he just couldn't handle the fact. You had either slept with too many or too little, and why should he care? Or he coulda thought you were lying and then where would the relationship go without trust?
                --- JENNIFER BLUETT

It's better to tell the truth now than have it blow up in your face. Your boyfriend may not like not it, but it's a whole lot better than having him find out from someone else that you lied since the very beginning. Every guy wants to believe that he's one of the first and few a girl has been with. What kind of relationship can a person have if it starts out on a lie? This goes for both men and women.
                --- Paul


What to tell your boyfriend the first time you meet him. What to tell your boyfriend so he will be happy and really love you. What you will ask your boyfriend to see if he loves you or not.
                --- Nikky

then there is no trust in it and it will come back on you
                --- "Anon"


I am a man who can handle the truth.If i ask a girl how many i would like a honest number.Before you get with the person you already can tell what kind of person she is.If you are into her enough then it realy dont matter.The more experience she has the more she will please you,if she has more than you then you can learn.If two people realy love eachother then they will not cheat on eachother.She might of had a boyfriend that used to beat her or rape her.That may be a reason for multiple partners.If you show her love that is what real matters.
                --- dave

I hope for your sake none of your 'distractive' white lies come to light. "Luuucccyy..you got some 'splainin to do!"
                --- Lisa


When someone asks this question there may be another way to answer that is not exactly the truth, but also not a lie.

Be honest but don't be exact.

Studies suggest the average person lies seven times a day!

I would say seven times an hour if you count all the times people lie to themselves.

Is a lie an untruth told with the intent to deceive?

Children lie to avoid punishment and to evoke fantasies they do not have the power to bring about. Young adults tend to lie to preserve relationships, while older people lean increasingly toward self-deception. He adds that women lie slightly more than men because they tell more "white lies," which Ford defines as untruths that ease social relationships.

Like not exactly answering the question of HOW MANY??

Rather than lying, offer a positive comment that is also true. For instance, if a friend asks for an opinion on an awful new haircut, a response might be, "It really brings out your eyes."
                --- "Anon"


I think that you should tell the truth. If you are serious about the relationship then the other person has a right to know your whole entire sexual history. If the person can't take the truth and takes off then they were not the right person to be with anyway. I know this I have been in a relationship now for almost six years and we have three kids. He knows who I have slept with and I know who he has slept with. I am also best friends with his ex-girlfriend. So you never know maybe some good will even come from the truth.
                --- AMANDA BEGGS

I think that you should tell the truth. If you are serious about the relationship then the other person has a right to know your whole entire sexual history. If the person can't take the truth and takes off then they were not the right person to be with anyway. I know this I have been in a relationship now for almost six years and we have three kids. He knows who I have slept with and I know who he has slept with. I am also best friends with his ex-girlfriend. So you never know maybe some good will even come from the truth.
                --- AMANDA BEGGS

i just say,"why you think i have had more then you?". no but really i say why do you need to know it. I mean even after the sex it is not a great question to ask because it puts the girl in a weird place and that makes her lie because she does not want the man to know how man people she has slept with she might had alot and she does not want to go into it.
                --- julie b

I think the truth is very important. If you are going to be in a relationship with someone you are not only saying I love you but you are also saying I will tell you the truth Trust you. and everything. In a relationship you need to tell your boyfriendthe truth about everything no matter if you think it is going to hurt or not. because if you dont and he finds out you could end up in a worse position then you were before he asked. and when he asked
                --- "Anon"


It depends on the man:How serious am I about him, how much can he handle, how experienced is he? MOST men want to believe that I came by my level of expertise through sheer genetic ability. Yeah, right-it comes naturally.
                --- jezebel

i dont think it is the best response i have been with a few guys but i told my boyfriend i was with one befor him and that was it so the truth is not always the best
                --- BROOKE

I truely believe that most people (both men and women) do not want the truth when it comes to past partners, whether it was only 1, or somewhere over 500. Many people are insecure with thier sexuality in the first place, and it is easy to find yourself wondering how you match up to previous partners. While I think that you should not lie if directly confronted, I think if someone just asks you "Who have you slept with before me?" there are a few things to consider before answering. Obviously the first thing that should considered is what is the purpose of them knowing? Are they obviously possessive and jealous, even of past relationships? Will what you tell them be used against you later? Are they insecure and punishing themselves unconsciously? If any of these are the case, not only should you consider not saying anything but you should also be looking at whether or not you are in a truely healthy relationship anyway.
If you feel that these questions are legitimate, (health concerns, dealing with past relationship issues as they are related to current issues) then the bare minimum of information should be given. Names, dates, the hows and whats are not information that needs to be shared with anyone, unless you WANT to share. Your partner does not need to know the intimate details, no matter what he/she thinks. If you choose to share details, that is in fact your choice, but be forewarned, details are more vivid and easily remembered than vauge statents admiting to previous partners. "I got serious with three people in the last year", is a lot easier to take then "I had sex with Terry five times then we broke up, I gave blow jobs to Pat on Sundays, and you know, Jerry really liked garterbelts and stockings." As most of know, sometimes it's not just the truth that can hurt, but how the truth is told.
                --- Nikki


I wish I have new boyfriend. so I had to broke up with my boyfriend last year. so I wish i have new boyfriend. so I wnat to fine a boyfriend in Net.
                --- Nikki Veltri

I agree with Martin and Jeanie. I recently had this conversation with the guy I have been dating for about three months. At first, I could tell that he had quite a promiscuous past, and he felt the same way about me. Finally one morning, we got into the nitty-gritty.

I guess I was expecting a number near mine - which seems sizeable compared to most girls and guys I know. Well, he completely SHOCKED me; I was in disbelief all day long. With my number, I think he was more concerned on how he compared to the other guys on performance and size.

Although I had a tough time swallowing his multitudinous list of past partners, I was really glad that we could be open and honest with each other. We talk about our past experiences a lot, and we are always asking each other questions. I think that communication is the most important factor for a healthy relationship, so I am happy that we can share everything with each other.

I have an innate honesty policy. I always tell the truth, and I look for that in the person I'm dating too. However, I think that the answer to this question may depend for every different person and situation. One should plan ahead with each partner and try and predict what might happen as a result of the truth or a lie.

Luckily for us, it was a mutual curiousity. I asked him how many, AND he asked me how many. We were both prepared to hear the truth, and we were both prepared to answer truthfully. So far, the honesty policy has worked for me and my man. Of course, it's only been a few months, so we'll have to see what develops!
                --- Valerie


None,
Now help me hang up my wedding dress, I don'twant it crumpled;)
                --- anon


Hello,
i am not ashame to say that i have slept with 3guys in my 27 years. Now i have a question to ask anyone who can answer it. My boyfreind has admitted to me that he has had sex with another man. It was once and he says that he hated it and tried to burn his skin off. well not to long ago we got into an arguement and i had stop talking with him for a day he says that it killed him for he could not think or see straight. he says that when he was coming home from college that he saw this guy that was propresitioning him and he got off the bus to talk with him but he said he could not speak to him for he wanted to beat the guy to death. that he had to come home and find out what was going on with us. yes we are still together. but i want to know is he gay or was he experiment. he says that he is not gay that a certain trumatic situation caused him to do it. It was his discharge from the marines! he says! that was his life and his mother lied to him to get him too leave so he could be with her.
I know it is a long story but please help, i need to know before i go any further and get hurt for he has asked me to marry him and wants to start having children next year. Yes i already have one and we both graduate next may. also he will be returning to military and wants me to go. please help!
clueless
                --- libby

THE TRUTH IS THE BEST BECAUSE IF YOUR GUY FOINDS OUT BY SOMEONE ELSE THEN HE WILL BE REALLY MAD THAT YOU LIED TO HIM

                --- keisha

I think that if I were to be in that position of being asked to disclose my past sexual dalliances,I believe I would have to question the querant's motive...I mean, is it because he is concerned about how he might measure up? Or concerned about potentiallly contracting some venereal disease? Or is he curious about what might arouse me, or is he the type who gets aroused by hearing dirty stories vis-a-vis this "honest, intimate" confession? I'm lucky, however, that I'm not being asked...my husband wouldn't be amused....
                --- LOLA

I't is always better to tell the truth to your boyfriend are girlfriend .Because you ask them something you might want to know the truth so it is always right to tell the truth???????
                --- missy

I'm a virgin and my boyfriend is very experienced, he respects me being a virgin but I want to satisfy him, so I will not be less than all of his ex girlfriends; how can I satisfy him without going all the way??
                --- "Anon"

With so many diseases going around now and with the amount of immaturity in regards to testing, I think that the truth is necessary.



                --- Maria Kruczkowski

Yeah,sure. In the age of AIDS, for coolness sakes I say lie? NOT! If you are ashamed for being around the block..keep your legs closed and make yourself a pledge. Either way, be honest about who you have been with. Don't infect someone with a disease you may have but are afraid to get tested for. Please don't use my name, as I don't want unexpected beatings at my office. If they want to make appointments to beat..well
                --- "Anon"


The truth is, you shouldn't ask that question.
If you are worried about disease, mutual blood tests are in order.

                --- Mark of the Robinsons

I've had a difficult time learning a very simple lesson: men do not want to know the truth,(especially about sex). I really thought that when a guy asked how many, he really wanted a number. I'd actually count and name names, unbelievable I know.But now I've become much wiser and saved myself a lot of grueling conversations about past love-affairs that I don't even want to remember. I take the don't ask don't tell approach!
                --- SSW

How many guys have you slept with really asks "Are you a microbic cesspool?"
                --- "Anon"


THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR THIS TYPE OF LIE...
THE ONLY WOMEN (OR MEN) WHO HAVE TO LIE ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PAST ARE THE ONES WHO ARE ASHAMED THAT THEY ARE SO PROMISCUOUS TO BEGIN WITH, OR WHO ARE AFRAID TO ADMIT THAT THEY ARE INDEED SLUTS AND ENJOY BEING SUCH. NOW, IF YOU ENJOY SEX, AND WITH A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE, AND YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH WHO YOU ARE, AND WHAT YOU'VE DONE, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LIE. BUT, FOR THOSE WHO DO LIE, ALL I CAN SAY IS: GOOD PEOPLE BEWARE! AND IN THE END, WE WILL ALL REAP WHAT WE SOW. :o)

note from Lies People Tell: We do not appreciate sexism, racism or name calling. Please refrain from it.
                --- Martin

None of your business! The person that I am today was molded from all of the experiences that I have had. If you love me then appreciate me for who I am and what I have become, not for what I have done.

And for all the comments on STD's, people should know by now that unprotected sex kills. When men ask this question (and it is mostly men who ask) it is not for the intent of safety. The question of how many people have you slept with should not be addressed if safety is the concern. The "statement" not question should be we will use condoms and another form of birth control until we are committed enough to each other to both be tested for all STD's.
                --- Dana


I would want the guy to be honest with me if I ever asked this question so I believe I would be honest if someone ever asks me.
                --- Jeanie


Consider this:  By lying in this situation, you not only perpetuate the images of "completely pure" vs. "totally slutty" woman, but you jeopardize your health and the health of others.  Perhaps if you are the kind of person who gets tested regularly, then you may entertain these little "harmless" lies in the name of a good screw.  (And by Tested Regularly, I mean the works baby.)  If you are looking for more than that, oh! do be careful with your lies.  Long term committment to a person means long term committment to the lie you told him.  How would you feel if in the middle of your relationship or contact with this person you lied to you found out you were positive for a sexually transmitted disease?  Now you are faced with a bigger dilemma:  Do you bring it up to ask the person if he gave it to you?  Or do you accuse him of giving it to you when it very well could have been Tom or Dick, and not poor Harry?  Do you not bring it up, and if/when the poor bastard comes down with symptoms (several STDs have more immediately obvious symtpoms in men than in women) do you just insist that he must be messing around with other "unclean" women?   Or do you dump him and not tell him, and let him spread it around for a while before he realizes he has caught something?  Perhaps this is how you got it in the first place.  Someone neglected to tell someone else, who then had sex with you, and now you are paying for that "harmless, little" lie.  Keep in mind that you could sustain some serious damage (general and reproductive health-wise) if you let an STD go unchecked, and it's easier for some STDs to go unchecked in women.  You can have an STD without knowing it for quite some time.  That is a biological double standard, one that your anatomy cannot help but enforce, unless you keep very good tabs on your health and get regular pelvic exams. Summary:  If you tell him the truth and he can't deal with it (on a "moral" level) then to hell with him.  Whether you are just looking for someone to have sex with, or for someone to have love with, you should find yourself a Real Man.
                --- Laura

THE LIE


actually now i come to think of it that guy always tells me 5.....and that has been since last year. he hasn't had sex in a year?
oh pur-lease!
                --- alanah


I always lie! I used to pretend i'd slept with more when i was a virgin really and now i have to pretend i've slept with less. I thought all men slept about but they really don't. my mate has slept with 1 (the girl was a slapper tho) and another has slept with 5 (same slapper i think!). They just used to pretend they'd slept with more so that they didn't look pathetic in front of the lads. so now i feel cheap :(
                --- alanah


i've lied to men in the past b-cuz i didn't want them to think i was a hoe or a freak (even though, looking back, i was) anyway, i had sex w/ 20 men in 3 1/2 years and i'm not ashamed to admit that b-cuz it's my past, not my present and not my future, i learned from my actions and i will never again repeat that disgusting kind of behavior, the man i'm with now i've been 100% completely honest w/ him but before i used to lie and say "2 or 3" to me sex was a physical act only and i did it to cum not b-cuz i was in love (or sometimes even "in like") i thought sex was a casual thing but i learned the hard way that it's serious and you might end up paying for your mistakes for the rest of your life due to some permanent consequences...so DO NOT LIE b-cuz your health and his health could be affected, if you give a lie or deception and you get it right back from him how can u be mad or hurt? you did the same thing! give honesty and most of the time you'll get it back, if not atleast you know that you are the better human being b-cuz you are decent enough not to be a liar :)
                --- CIERA

They gonna tell you that they don't care how many because they love you--DON'T BUY IT!
                --- danielle

..And never mention your one-night stands, the fact that you were mostly sleeping with married men, and that you slept with girls too..
                --- danielle

If you wanna marry him:
18-20 - one (he wanted to marry me but I wasn't ready)
21-24 - two (all long term)
25-28 - three/four (all long term)
29-34 - four (all long term)
and so on.
                --- danielle

OH MY GOD why are we stil discussing this TIRED subject? Its almost as if we--in our feigned bafflement--need to continue the weakly sexuallly charged topic which has been unfortunate enought to hold the interest it has for this long

!Please: Ladies--and don't take this as anything but devoted and loving research: I NOW YOU BY NOW. I adore you. And i beware you, And that's okay! It's more than okay. It's just right.

We are different creatures. Let's not debate. Let's not become entangled in the adhesive vines of the typical/stereotypical and oh-so-tired repartees of MALE oh yiikes VS FEMALE etc etc ad nauseum....

THe very pragmatic reality (so much more apparent to those of us >25 is that the male has the irrational (hmmm...perhaps biological) need to believe that his particular organ of transmission and conception is the one unique vehicle to have traversed the silken cubbyhole of fetrtilitia that you have come to know so familiarly as Pussy, as "that place," as
"down there."

Just remember. That is what we knowck teeth out for. What we fire guns for. What we fight for promotions for. Do NOT Undervalue your asset.

We know as well as anyone that your seductive caresses of pink, your vortex of mollusk wine and honey, your tug of divinity could not possibly be invisible or unnatttainable to all....simply because we hadn't appeared on the scene yet.

BUt lie, girl! you know how! You've done it since day one. You 've done it when daddy caught you waking up. You did it to hide that mark on your neck. you did it to get that job. you did it to make your mom happy.

DOn't ack like you don't know..

Remember. A littlee bit goes o LONGGGG WAY.

WE ALL love you, you creatures of softness and sweettness and the lap we need to sleep upon.

Remember-=we are so good at denying those things that would make us ultimately happy were they to be offered to us...

wreckingboy@usa.net
                --- wreckingboy

Here's why you should lie...

I have been with 4 women in my life (21 years old). When I asked my new girlfriend (23 years old) how many men she'd been with, she replied about 15. I had to convince her to tell me. I had to convince her that I was "man" enough to handle the truth, but in reality it only bolstered my own insecruties about sex with her. Was I good enough for her? How do I compare to her past partners? etc.

Let me tell you this once, and only once ladies - my advice is to always say something like this when asked how many guys have you slept with: "The people I have slept with in the past are just that - my past. I want to focus on what WE have and leave the past alone." If he persists, just tell him that you don't feel comfortable talking about your past sexual relationships, and that he should respect that. If he can't handle that, then leave him.
                --- Brian

Never tell the truth girls, it's not about double standards but about emotions , men have sex because, where as women have emotional attachments to the person they sleep with, this can only mean that the female sex do offer more han men
                --- Mark

When asked that question, my response would be "no more than five, and I still talk to the guy who broke my viringinity", ans I might add on that it has been months since I got anything from anyone.
                --- michlle p

I can tell you exactly why men may want to know how many girls a women has slept with. #1 the guy wants to know if shell be easy to get into bed, and he doesnt care at all how many its really been or
#2 he really does care and he would think less of her because he doesnt want to be with a woman that has been with that many guys. For me, I think that it is disgusting to have been with more than 10 guys if you are only 20 years, and it does increase the risk of her having some disease. If you cant be honest with someone you are gong to have sex with, you shouldnt be having sex with them. I know that it isnt realistic to think that, but that is my opinion. Let me know if you agree or disagree.
                --- ryan

You only have to lie if you're a slapper!
                --- Dawn


Whatever anyone does in bed is no ones concern save theirs.

Most people ask that question because:-

A)Their just curious
B)They think they can handle the truth
C)50% of them already knows that the partner has a long list of past lovers but the other 50% wishes it to be otherwise.Most of them prefer to believe the later.Its the conquest of illusion over instinct.

Therefore:-
A)Curiosity kills the cat
B)Its the consequence of the truth that tears the heart asunder.No matter what anyone says , sometimes ignorance is bliss.Let the past stay just in our memories and not haunt what is present, for what we have is just right now. We cannot change the past nor the future and so,let the present be as happy as we can allow it to be.
C)Your lover is not innocent.Why confirm the truth when you already know?

It is your choice whether or not you want to ask.But just remember that you might or might not be able to close what you have opened.Everything has a price, including the truth.

                --- Jare

I just to lie about it every time. What they don't know don't hurt you and this is one of the things best left unsaid. I usually added 1 for each year I was older than 18. Yes they have to accept that you alive and kicking before they met you but trust me, this is one of those "It's time to lie" things.
                --- HiiHopes


Michelle, a lie can never last that long. Love can! Tell the truth. If it is true, it will remain. If not, was he worth it?
                --- "Anon"


it will only be used against you. but you will always get caught. which means you need to lie again!
                --- MICHELLE


If you lie, it will come back to you. Be honest. What would really suck is if you lie, and years down the road (when you are seriously in love with this person, and can't imagine life without them) they find out the truth. After that it snowballs, and they begin to question your honesty in other areas. Be truthful. It's the only way. Put it this way, how would you feel if you found out they lied to you? Basically it comes down to 'treat others the way YOU would want to be treated.' Just my 2 cents.
                --- Sumo


Lie, Lie, Lie! Men cannot handle the truth...actually they *really* do NOT want to know! My sweetie is 15 years younger than I am and I've been married, so d'oh, hell yeah I've had more partners. I think it's fine to make a few vague references to past partners, but don't go into too many details. I have been honest in the past and I've had my honesty used against me.
                --- "Anon"


I just always say "Two."
                --- "Anon"


How many guys has the average 20 yr old girl slept with?
                --- john

Im 14, so I dont know much about the subject, but if I was a girl, I would probably lie and say "none". I think you should say this because the guy will think you are 'saving yourself' or something, and will think of you as a more innocent sweeter girl.
                --- Joe

I innocently frigidly return him the question.... then 2 situations:
1) either he wants to show you how "man" he has been ---> just throw him the real number or even an exagerated one back to shut his big mouth.
2) either he seems to play it real and admit there hasn't been that many (yea right!! in most cases) ---> on this one, depends how you feel the guy, what you want the relationship to be... I don't care telling the truth, but that's me... you did it, so well, too late, it's done.... but in another hand that saying most of time comes back to my mind: "What you mamma don't know won't hurt her"... after all, they don't really want to hear the truth, do they??!?! HEE HEE
                --- Vanessa


I would respond to that question with "Do you mean how many men I have had serious, commited relationships with?" If he keeps persisting with that stupid question, lie, lie, lie! Then explain to him, that your past is your business and that it is a sign of insecurity for people to ask that question. Never, ever, give an exact number of the men you have had sex with. He will aleays hold it against you. Besides, most men sleep around and will continue to even though they are in a relationship.
                --- Eva

No one says you have to lie----just skirt around the truth. After all its nobodys business. If you are ashamed of your past, learn from it and change..if you are not ashamed, but choose to keep your mouth shut, good for you. Double standards really bite. I personally dont think a man who has been around a catch that I'd want to keep, merely because of safe sex policy. if he has always had safe sex...thats wonderful, if you always have safe sex then wonderful..its natural..it feels great, and its one of the few fun things in life---just know your partners and always be safe...who cares how many--really your just gaining knowlege and experience jsut as you do in any other thing in life, and its not a crime.
                --- "Anon"


It depends a bbit on your age and past circumstances (former marriage, etc.), but i think it's enough to say that the past doesn't matter--just your future together. And if he's worried about disease--offer to get tested--TOGETHER.
                --- "Anon"


It shouldn't matter if you really care about the person. If either partner has been with someone else, they should both get tested. We all lie, so be safe.

                --- Anon


First you find out how many people he has slept with.......then you cut it in half. Assuming that is reasonable. For instance let's say you were married once, lived with someone else, and had a kid with a third....if he said four.....obviously, you would HAVE to say at least 3.

                --- aNNA


I agree, if the total is "up there" in the double digits, you have to lie. I've been married four times, and men get freaked out over that, can you imagine what they'd say if I said "Oh, about thirty that I remember the names of, about twenty five more that I don't". It's nobodys business - I get tested every year.
                --- Anon

I don't feel as if this question in really important. I mean come on the past is the past. Most men and women go throw a "Play around stage" Who keeps count during that period???? Just don't worry about it and go on with your current relationship. Who Cares!!!
                --- Kelly Jo


If it isn't important to a guy, then he won't ask and if he does, then I
suggest the exaggeration... polite for lie. Hell, even the Bible says
that "Only a fool speaks his whole mind...".

Debbie
Atlanta, Georgia

                --- "Anon"


IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY RELATIONSHIP I GET IN, I AM ALWAYS TELLING THE GUY THAT I'VE ONLY BEEN WITH ONE OTHER GUY BEFORE THEM. MY FIRST.
                --- "Anon"


The premise of his question is bogus to begin with. He feels proud of his conquests and you should feel ashamed of yours? Hello.
                --- "Anon"


A woman could answer this question truthfully if the cards weren't already stacked against her by our culture. Guys are encouraged to feel proud of their conquests and women are encouraged to feel shame about being promiscuous. With even two minutes of thought, anyone can see that this is an automatic lose for women. In light of that, yes, women should lie unless they want to be even hipper, bolder, and more outrageous.... then they should confront this unfair sex-role stereotype head-on and be willing to lose those guys that aren't hip enough to see the light.
                --- Kathleen

I can assure you that no guy really wants to know that the woman he's taking to bed has slept with 40 or 50 guys, and even more I've never been able to come up with an exact number cause there's always one or two I can't remember when I try to make the list. A man simply does not need this information.
                --- Liza Stith

I think if a man asks a women how many men she has slept with, and he`s not asking out of health reasons, the woman should lie. That`s a question that they feel consumed to ask and DON`T really want to know the answer. If they say to you that you can tell them anything, don`t believe them!! And they weren`t even telling you a lie!! Men love to think that they are open, understanding, and tolerant. And maybe they are: from a man`s point of view. They try, but you live long enough to learn that some things are better lied about. Don`t tell more truth than someone can handle!!
                --- Alyce Kunde

Sometimes I get really drunk with some tramp and I know I shouldn't ask this question but the more I drink the more I feel like I'm really in love with this girl. It happens a lot. Anyway, it'll be about two or three in the morning and I'll start feeling really lovey dovey and thinking that I want to marry this one -- and then I always ask that very question. Sometimes I can't believe how slutty some chicks are. I mean, I'm cute! I can understand them sleeping with me after they've just met me but sheesh, some of these chicks have slept with FIFTY or SIXTY guys!! Girls, I say lie. The more you've slept with the more you should lie. I say, you should always say THREE. I think most guys can handle it if you've slept with three guys. And it's really good if one was like some cousin that molested you or something. That one didn't count. But for gods sake, do not say, "I don't know, around fifty."
                --- Mike


Trust me, I wish when I had asked this question that she would have just lied.  The last time I asked that question, I got the scene from Clerks....she had only been with two guys, but enough blowjobs to make up for it.  I would have very much preferred a lie.
                --- Destifano

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