Some will say they were well meaning. Others will see the caprice, if not malice, and recognize that these lies were as wrong as any others. Perhaps they are worse because they were given to children too young to know any better.
This is a depository for the lies we were told as children.
SEND IN YOUR LIE.
In The Bathtub Lie
from: Alan Gould
when i was six i used to pee in the bathtub while taking a bath. my mother noticed it and said that if i continued to do that i would have kinky hair. well, i kept doing it, and sure enough i grew up with kinky hair. was this a lie? - i don't know. anyway, now that i'm getting bald, i may try it again.
|When I was young, my mother's meanest lie was telling me
that the truck driving through our neighborhood playing music was simply a traveling music
box, not the wonderful ice cream man. Now that I'm older and have a kid of my own, he gets
ice cream whenever the ice cream man comes!
Is This The Meanest Lie?
Don't Eat In The Bathroom
Don't Suck Your Thumb
|(1) When I was really young, I used to take candy or food
into the bathroom with me. My mother told me that if I was eating or chewing on
anything while going to the bathroom, the candy would taste like pee and poop. I
still take my gum out of my mouth before I enter the bathroom.
(2) I stucked my thumb until I was about 10 years old, my mother thought that I would never break the habit. One day while we were visiting her brother-in-law, he saw me sucking my thumb and the ugly callous that had grown on it from years of sucking. He told me that his father had sucked his thumb and had the same bump and his thumb fell off a year later. I knew that his father was missing a thumb, I never sucked mine again after that day.
My mom (being the second oldest in the family) and her older sister would tell my younger aunt that she was born in a cabbage patch, my aunt being very young, would burst out in tears and cry to her mother.
CABBAGE PATCH LIE
PONY BOY LIE
|My grandparents had a farm and we had just learned that
ponies are different from horses, that they stay small and don't grow into horses.
I told my brother, he was about seven at the time, that he was a "pony person," and that he wouldn't grow anymore after he turned nine.
|When I was about five years old, I had a pet bird named Gileada. One day I came home from my grandma's house and my bird was gone. I asked my mom what happened and she said, "Well, Gileada got loose and flew up to heaven." Being as young as I was, I thought it was pretty cool that MY bird made it all the way up to heaven, so I wasn't very upset. It was only about four years ago (I'm 16 now) that I realized that Gileada had died. A friend and I were talking about pets, and I said I used to have a bird, when my friend asked what happened to it, I said, "Oh my God, it died!" My friend cracked up, laughing at me because it took me so long to figure it out, guess I just hadn't thought about it....||
DEAD BIRD LIE
|My Aunty Peg always used to tell me if I bit my nails I would grow a hand in my stomach.||
DON'T BITE YOUR
DON'T YOU LIE LIE
|I was told that if I lied it would be written in Big Green Letters All Over my Forehead.|
|When my kids were 6 and 8 years old, I took them to a Video Arcade. My sister brought her not-quite 3 year old along. I gave my sons a few quarters to play, and was about to give my nephew one too, when my sister stopped me and gave him a penny instead. He took it and happily walked over to a machine. My sons were horrified when their aunt explained, "Oh he thinks he's causing the movement on the screen anyway, so if he's happy, what does it matter if he's not really playing!" My sons have never trusted their aunt since!|
|When I was about 5, my mother's friend was from Transylvania.
He really was! They told me that he would turn into a vampire at midnight.
She and her friends would get all high and he would chase me and the other
absolutely terrified kids and we would run all over the place while they laughed their
The Classic and Favorite Lies
From: Angie and Beverly, California
The Classic: "You think that's bad, I had to walk to and from
school, five miles, in the snow, up hill both ways, and without shoes."
The Favorite: "I would have never done that when I was your age; I was a perfect angel."
|My friend's mother told him if he watched a dog poop he would get pimples.||
Don't Watch That Dog Poop Lie
Everybody Lied To Me Lies
My Dad told me that if I wet the bed the monster living underneath it
My Mother used to tell me that if I ate glue I would poop
My cousins once told me that if I skipped school my eyes would fall out.
My sister told me once that if I peeked in her diary a flaming gnome
would pop out and eat me.
My brother used to tell me that if I drank Tang my pubic hair would turn
Funny Sadistic Strange Great Grandmother Lie
As I am now 27, it's hard to say just how old I was when this occurred. I'm pretty sure I was only 6 or 7. My Great Grandmother had a funny/sadistic/strange joke (based on a lie) that she would play on whomever would fall for it. My Great Grandmother developed the god-awful habit of smoking cigarettes very late in her long-lived life of 95 years. From this habit came the claim that she could make smoke flow out of her eyes. Being a naive, young boy I believed her, and, of course, I wanted to see her do it. She said, "come close little one," as she took a huge drag off of her cigarette. I moved closer to her while looking her dead-in-the-eyes to see if I could see the smoke coming out of her eye sockets. Then, when I was as close as I could be without knocking her over, she jabbed me in the arm with her lit cigarette. It burned, blistered, and got a roar of laughter from those watching, ------ but most of all ------ it made me jump 3 feet in the air!
I never saw it happen again, but I came to find out that my Dad had had the joke played on him many years before. The folks that were watching that got such a kick out of seeing her burn me, were the usual family members -- Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, brother, and maybe even some cousins. It's hard to remember; it's more of a feeling (OUCH!!!) now, than a complete memory.
CLASSIC WATERMELON LIE
My parents used to tell me that if I swallowed seeds while eating watermelons that a watermelon patch would grow in my stomach and would eventually kill me. I know deep down that this isn't true, but I still make sure that I get each and every seed off of the melon before taking a bite!
TWISTED ANGEL FACE LIE
From: Kim Marie
When I was little, my mom use to tell my sister and I
not to make faces at other kids because if an angel flew by, our face would
freeze and stay like the face we were making.
When I was a tiny child, maybe about 4 or so, I was sitting quietly in the living room playing. My Aunt Marie was visiting with my mother; they sat on the sofa, talking. My mom got up to go to the kitchen, to make some tea I suppose, and while I still sat quietly, I heard an awful, wretched blatting fart. I looked in awe and wonder at my precise, refined aunt. She calmly returned my gaze and leaned forward suddenly with an earnest expression. "Kathy," she said, "when you grow up and wear pantyhose, NEVER fart in them! They blow up on your legs just like balloons and EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU'VE DONE! They'll point at you and say,'there's the farter!' " I was so horrified at the idea I had no mind to ask her if SHE'd just farted. I STILL won't wear pantyhose, either.
Why I Won't Wear Pantyhose Lie
Japanese Brother Lie
When I was younger, my older brother and I use to tell my younger brother, Danny, that we adopted him from a Japanese family that didn't want him anymore. Of course he wasn't adopted and wasn't even remotely Japanese-we were all Caucasian.
If you do not clean your ears potatoes will grow out of them!
|When we were younger, if our mother
saw us kids picking our nose she would tell us "stop it, otherwise your head
will cave in." Of course we didn't stop and our heads never did cave in.
I can only assume it was a lie.
Nose Picking Lie
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