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Men Tell Women


Do men lie because they are selfish, egotistical, callous and self seeking? 

Do men lie because they are not in touch with their emotions and are not as liable for their lies as the women who fall for them?

What do you think?


And These Are Only A Few
from: Karyn Gordon

Here are just a few lies I've been told by men with regard to relationships. In some cases, it took me years to figure out what they really meant, so I've included a brief translation for the uninitiated.


"I'll give you a call."


"You're never going to see me again."


"It's not you, baby. It's me."

and, the closely related lie,

"I'm frightened by how much I love you."


"You're not pretty enough/smart enough/rich enough for me, so I'm dumping you."


"she doesn't mean anything to me."

and the closely related lie,

"We're just friends (or colleagues)." 


"You're on your way out." 


"Of course, I love you for who you are." 


"I'm only in it for the sex."


"I'm going fishing (or hunting) with the guys this weekend." 


"we're going to bar-hop, get drunk, and pick up girls."


"can you lend me a twenty until Friday? I'll pay you back when I get paid." 


"kiss your money goodbye." 


"sure, I paid the car payment/electric bill/mortgage, honey."


"I used the money for the household bills to get drunk and hire hookers." 

And possibly the biggest lie ever told:

"I promise to love, honor and cherish you till death do us part."


"I'm going to make you do my laundry, clean my house, cook my food, serve me when I'm sick, have my children and take care of them, feed and entertain my friends and my family, and I'm going to get drunk whenever I want to, screw around with any other girl I want to, never give you a dime or say anything nice to you or do anything nice for you ever again."



In Response to Karyn Gordon's "And these are only a few":
-from: Michael McCabe

First of all, very amusing and entertaining.  But come on now, if poor Karyn is stupid enough and has had the misfortune to have had at least a few of these experiences (namely the marriage vows lie and unpaid rent/bills lie) then she obviously falls into a broad group (pun intended) of women who are quickly designated as TARGETS and continually fall into the same trap.  Yes, men lie, and I will admit a few of my own below, but EVERYONE LIES. 

When people (male or female) complain that they are always led on, lied to, or burned by a member of the opposite sex, it is easy to see that they follow the same system of misplaced trust.  Karyn should ask herself if she has not in fact played a part in accepting the lies she has been told. 

Men do not like to lie.  They do not like to tell the truth.  We would be much happier if women could just keep things undefined and subject to change. Women on the other hand must define not only their own feelings but their partner's (in ways that make sense only to them in order to rationalize their own inner commitment).  To put it simply, men have no clue.  We DO know when we are happy, sad, afraid, content, angry, etc.  We have no idea when that will change, however.  Therefore when women ask men (let me rephrase that, when they demand) to place labels or express a definitive level of commitment they never get a straight answer.  Here are a few of examples of what goes through a man's head when some of these questions are asked.

Question #1) Do you love me?

(Non-verbal response): WHAT?!?  Oh Christ, here it comes.  I don't know, I really enjoy being with her, I think of her all the time, I'm faithful, uh, maybe I DO love her.  But what if it doesn't work out?  What if I say I do and she hurts me later on?  What if I'm honest and tell her I don't know and
everything changes?  How come she can not accept that we are happy together and see what happens?  Oh God, I better answer fast or she'll think I'm lying. Boy, she really looks beautiful when she looks at me like that, I really don't want to lose her.   Hey, I must be in love then...well, maybe not, I better be careful.

Verbal Response #1: Yes, of course I do.  (He doesn't want to lose her)

Verbal Response #2: I care about you a lot, I don't want to be with anyone else.   (He is trying to be honest, but the mess this honesty brings on teaches him not to be honest about it again.)

Verbal Response #3: I don't know.  (Honesty, but the beginning of the end in her eyes).

Verbal Response #4: No. (Quite honest.  But even though he's honest, he's out of here.)

#2) Do you think she's pretty?

(Non-verbal Response:  Here we go again.  Obviously she thinks the woman is pretty and therefore a negative answer is exposed as a lie.  I wasn't even looking at the girl and now I'm going to get in trouble.  You know what, I'm getting sick of her low self-esteem. 

Verbal Response #1:  No, she's a little heavy, sweetheart.  (The target chosen is close to your partner's size, therefore she now thinks SHE is a little heavy).

Verbal Response #2:  Yes, she's kinda cute. (Honesty.  What does it lead to? Grief.  The guy is now on probation as far as she is concerned.)

Verbal Response #3: Yes.  Definitely.  (It is great that the guy can be this honest and open with his partner.  Unfortunately honesty was not sought and therefore he will be punished with the insecurity of his partner.)


Karyn Gordon seems to be saying that men lie because they are selfish, egotistical, callous and self seeking. 

Michael McCabe seems to be saying that men lie because they are not in touch with their emotions and are not as liable for their lies as the stupid women who fall for them.

What do you think?


I'm With Karyn
click here if you agree with Karyn

I am 22 years old. I am a very smart person and I have a lot to offer someone; but, I am nice, kind, friendly, always smiling, joking around, and sweet. I havent come across a day lately where at least 3 guys dont ask me out on a daily basis, and they arent asking me out to date me, to go out and have a good time, they want to get me in their bed. I am not just assuming this either, i have been told by too many. I got my heart broken by someone almost 2 years ago. I stuck around, by their side for 10 months. We didnt have a relationship, we had a friendship. He continued to tell me he really cared about me, and wanted to have a relationship, but he was stuck on the past and "was afraid he would hurt me". now, honestly, if i stuck around for 10 months, dont you think this would be a chance I was willing and ready to take? well instead, I fell in love with him, and him with me, and he kept telling me he didnt know what he wanted. Well, I am sorry but one can only accept this answer for so long. I decided then to walk out of his life. this, was about a year ago. well, about a month ago i decided to walk back in his life. I ended up spending this great month with him, and breaking up with someone so i could be with him because i realized i still loved him and wanted to be with him. well, he tells me he still cares and wants to be with me, but only because he thought he was going to get some. the other night however, when he knew he wasnt getting any, he found the need to tell me he doesnt care about anything. so pretty much i hate all men right now. that is my story.
                --- Mandy

I am so sick and tired of men trying to justify their lies. Men are selfish, untrustworthy, and stupid. I am feed up with dealing with their asses. I'm to the point that I dont even get involved with them, because I feel they will place me in a state of mine that I don't want to be in. I don't need them to give me headaches and confusion. I damm sure don't need the stiff dick, because I purchased one that dont come with heartaches, headaches,and pain, it just requires batteries. I pay my own bills, my own car, work my own jobs, and pursuing a college education. In order for a man to get me, he would need to have the same qualities that I have, and from what I can see, I guess I'll be a lonely sista, stress free.
                --- sick-n-tired

I believe that men are selfish and want to play the field, because they think that's part of being a man. We as women need to put our foot down and stop allowing men to lie, cheat, and disrespect us. "Women bring men into the world", incase they have forgotten. They would not want men to treat there mother,daughters, sisters, and any other close females the same way they treat their wife/girlfriend. I feel that they need to grow up and be a real man. There are good women out there, but some men are too stupid and imature to realize it, until it's too late.
                --- "Anon"

I believe that men are selfish and want to play the field, because they think that's part of being a man. We as women need to put our foot down and stop allowing men to lie, cheat, and disrespect us. "Women bring men into the world", incase they have forgotten. They would not want men to treat there mother,daughters, sisters, and any other close females the same way they treat their wife/girlfriend. I feel that they need to grow up and be a real man. There are good women out there, but some men are too stupid and imature to realize it, until it's too late.
                --- "Anon"

First of all women are not stupid and niether are men. They just want differant things. Men want to play head games. Women want to play with heads. Women do not like to give up their toy while men place very little value in their toy. They leave it lieing around everywhere and are very careless about where they stick it. Women are gentle with their toys and treat it kindly. I have to say guys you are taking a chance on meeting Mr. Limpy one day and most women will throw away a broken toy instead of wasting their time to hope it miraculously comes back together. :o)
                --- whatever

Men say that it is harder for them to get laid them a women. Men say a stiff dick has no conscience. Men say they love you to get sex. Men buy you stuff you dont want to make you feel guilty when they decide to move on. Men take what they need and leave you hurting in the end. Men get burnt and take it out on innocent females sometimes. Women can be cold too but I think it takes a strong women to live in this society. Has the world gone mad to the point it is irresversible?
                --- Whatever

Totally in agreement (maybe because I'm freshly bitter?) The only change in translation that I would make is with "It's not you, it's me" ... It really means, "It's not you, it's me *who's fucking around*"
                --- cleigho

I think Karym is right because men can't be trusted and they're all alike and they will never change
                --- Dannielle

karyn, you are so right.. I have lived with a man for 10 years now.. God knows why I'm still with him..Hopefully oneday I'll have the courage to leave him..He is a compulsive lier. Hopefully he will come to grips with this problem. The lying is out of his mouth before he know it. It affects every aspect of my life. He's done really rotten things to me. He's made a mess of my life because of the lies and I don't know if he can ever make things OK again.


                --- Pamela

cause she just knows what she talkin about it's the truth
                --- "Anon"

I don't think Karyn is "weak" or "stupid"..those tags are reserved for the lowlifes who lied to her. Men CONSTANTLY lie. I think it is more of a social issue than anything else. Society has just beat this idea of "lying is ok" into men's brains.
And now guys think it is a socially acceptable thing to do because "that is what men do". Women NEED security, commitment and honesty in their relationships. Men have been brain-washed to think life is one big ball game..they always want to be the All-Star, they want all the perks without the commitment. I don't think it is any reflection on the woman at all if a man lies to her. How can You CONTROL something like that? It just happens to you! Men need to stop acting like little boys..Time to grow up now!!..They need to start being responsible for their partner's feelings and for their own role in relationships.
Why can't they just be accountable for themselves and the things they do and say? Look at it this way..children naturally lie, boys don't mature as fast mentally and emotionally as girls do, men lie much more frequently and tell bigger lies than women. MY OWN are just for the most part, immature and irresponsible
and that's why they spew forth all those lies.
Women are just more trusting, and understanding and that's why we get lied to all the time.

                --- DNE

I don't think either of you are all the way correct. I think people that lie have many issues. Mr. Swingset in Mike's column probably hit it closer that anyone else. First of all, I think a lot of men have a difficult time with commitment. Men want autonomy and freedom to do what they want , spend their money as they choose, and spend their time doing the things they enjoy. Women want security and commitment. Women want to feel that their man loves them unconditionally and that they are the most important thing in their mans life. Obviously, what a man and a woman want are running in opposition to one another... What do we do? I guess to keep a man from feeling threatened and like he has to sneak and lie..women have to give them the freedom they are looking for which is really hard when the man lies! So , it looks like a dog chasing his tail... maybe we should just give up!

                --- renne

I believe that men lie to get what they want. My ex boyfriend Bernie C. went to extreme lengths to hook me in. He is a player. But his lies were good. He knew just what to say to keep me hooked. He even went so far as to say that he wanted me to have his baby. But I had found a pair of panty hose by his bed about 2 weeks before that. He tried to say they were from an old girlfriend. Well, I knew he was lying but needed to hear something more concrete. So on Monday night New Years Eve I put the recorder under his dresser. I overheard him trying to get a friend of his to fix him up with some girl. He never even mentioned my name in the conversation. It was as if I didn't exist in his world. It was painful but at least I found out the truth. When I confronted him he still tried to deny it and it was on tape. That's what I mean by extreme!!
                --- Anita

All men are liars. In one or another form. Women lie too, but they tend to lie on minor issues, while men can lie about most important things. I started to think that men can lie even to their dieing mother to get what they want.
                --- danielle

men lie. they love to lie. there is no end to their lies. lies make it easier for them to live in their "perfect world" that they all want so badly. men are lies.
                --- Phunkidiva

Because all the men i know just lie to suit themselves so they can get or do what they want without being hassled in any way.
                --- lotty

I think Mike gave us a very realistic idea of the way a lot of men think, but that doesn't excuse their behavior. As long as a guy is sleeping with you and professing his undying love and devotion, he should be bound by those words and actions. Anyone with character should be.

If you guys stop loving us, just come out and say it instead of playing complicated, drawn out games. A little honesty will save you a lot of trouble. Don't let us waste time with you if we are not the girl you want us to be. Not all guys do this, and some guys just aren't sure, but nevertheless, the truth is less likely to cause much less misery for yourself and others.

There are many fish in the sea and if you are not the loving man you claim to be, let us go so we can find one.
                --- Daisy

You know, I don't really care why men lie. I just want to know what to do now that I'm in love with a man is a liar? I don't think they have a conscience to be able to look at a woman that loves them and then tell them a bold faced lie that will risk ripping their heart out. How could any man that cares about a woman do that?
They are obviously putting themselves first. This man I'm in love with is very clever and cunning. I ask him a question he doesn't want to answer and he is so skilled at redirecting the question, or changing the subject or chasing some damned rabbit to get around the issue. By the time we get back around to the question we're out of time or gotten off track or he's managed to dodge it altogether.
                --- a fool

I have been used in the most selfish way by Gary. He has lied to me to keep me around to stroke his ego and be used for his own selfish needs that his sleep in girlfriend can't give him.
He has lied to me about her, and made promises of so many things together to keep me around. I just couldn't understand how he could love me and hurt me so badly. Finally it dawned on me that he didn't love me, he loved me loving him. I made him feel good, a gave him confidence, I supported him emotionally and intellectually, but he didn't want to give as much in return. He only gave me enough to keep my hopes up. He knew exactly what he was doing. I'm finally waking up to the painful fact that he's been using me for his own selfish needs and didn't really give a flip about my needs. He was good at talking, but couldn't show it in his actions. My heart is breaking but I'll be fine now that I've faced the truth. I don't think he'll ever find happiness....sadly.
                --- Gary Barr's ex

Men do lie and so do women, evenually the truth comes out but I knew a man who still lies to this day over the birth and death or his child to his mother and his ex-wife and to many in the online community who knew them to save his reputation after he pulled some crap on her - Bear in mind he enjoyed showing off pictures of her stomach as it grew bigger - He lies because she walked away from everything she owned or had in her life to set-up his new home and to live with him and in the end while she was cleaning out his computer, she found out that he had feelings for a woman he had never met except online. He lied to her about his girlfriend, he lied to his girlfriend about her and he still lies to his family about their son. So they all think she is the nutty one. Rather then tell the truth and let them mourn his loss, visit his grave or put closure to it he continues the lies to his family, possibly the other woman and it seems his now ex-girlfriend is the level-headed one in this whole mess. I hope he likes what he sees when he looks in the mirror because he has to live with his lies. He lost more the day she was put on the streets to live then she did living on the streets until she got it back together. She walked with her dignity he still lives with his lies. A saying I love is this. He is at the foot of the mountain and she is over the hill.. she's gonna make it...he never will... and you know what She did!!!!
                --- "Anon"

I've experienced two years of conning, manipulation and crazy-making lies that have left me devastated. It has changed my life to see the lengths someone I'm with could go to to get anonymous sex on the side. I found out he is a pathological liar, and preyed on my desire to give "benefit of the doubt". I went into therapy during that time, went on four medications to control depression and panic attacks...even spent a night in an institution because his lies were so direct, calm and cruel. He knew all along what I was going through yet didn't stop having sex with strangers & couples. He even proposed, took me to meet the family, gave me the ring, set the date and asked me to move across the country to be with him. Yet he didn't care that my intuition was bothering me so much that I was hitting myself, cutting myself and taking way too many sedatives. Believe it or not, I'm an attractive, educated and very successful woman. I let the opinion and actions of a man who has never really done anything with his life, pull me down into hell. I lost most friends, and almost my family because they couldn't tolerate a smart woman being so blind. i wish he had told me he wanted out or wanted to see other people or anything but what he did. After reading this, I'm sure you'll think i ignored obvious things...but i assure you , when your'e dealing with a pathological liar, you have little chance. I sure wish someone could tell me what he stood to gain from expending so much energy lying and ruining another's life. If I wasn't in so much debt i could at LEAST tell myself it was for money. But even that isn't possible. How can such cruelty exist?
                --- izzy

Men lie because they are unevolved. Understanding the implications of actions on others requires a higher level of thinking. Men are barely above self-awareness. They lie as if it's a survival tactic.
                --- "Anon"

Men are large children with adult "naughty parts"
                --- anon

The majority of men lie because they want it all. They hate honesty and confrontation. Having more than one in their lives makes them seem macho such as being proud of having a son. It is all macho to the majority of men. Not all men however, I have not met a man who does not lie I am dealing with self-esteem now and had it chipped away. I hope to have an honest man in my life someday after I get myself together. Now when one lies to me he is "out"No second chances
                --- anon

Itís ridiculous that men blame women for their lies! Being tactful, considerate and respectful is not the same as being a self-serving liar. Choosing to take the path of least resistance is part of oneís character, or lack thereof. Our reaction, no matter how unpleasant, isnít the cause of your lack of character, your decision to lie to avoid the unpleasantness is an example of it.

People are people, and nobodyís perfect. We all make mistakes. Itís just sad that there are so many people that donít change and donít take responsibility for their own actions. Men and women that lie and cheat are quite simply being selfish cowards. They want what they want and they donít want to be bothered with the rights or feelings of others. If you love someone, then you should respect them enough to be honest with them. I have a young son, and Iím going to teach him that sex is NOT bad, itís a natural and wonderful part of life. Lying and manipulating to get it is whatís ugly. If you want to be a big old slut, thatís your prerogative. Just be safe, and respect your partner enough to be honest with them. There are plenty of people out there that are perfectly willing to have uncommitted sex, why lie to and destroy the ones that arenít?

I firmly believe that we are all responsible for our own choices. If Iím not strong enough to leave someone that has proven themselves to be unworthy of my trust, than Iím enabling them, therefore responsible for my own pain. That doesnít make me stupid, and that doesnít mean I deserve it. Itís unfortunate that a person that has integrity and treats their partner with love and respect canít expect the same in return. If women are insecure and need reassurance, maybe itís because weíve been given many painful lessons teaching us to be that way.

A person, man or woman, should be able to trust that someone that loves them wonít lie to and/or cheat on them. We shouldnít have to assume that where thereís a way, thereís a will.

                --- Shannon

                --- suzanne

                --- "Anon"

I feel that when men lie, they are trying to avoid something. Most of the time, they do not want to look at themselves or be accountable for their actions. I feel that there is nothing wrong with a woman who is trusting and who will give the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes liars are not easy to spot in the beginning. Why is it wrong or"stupid" of a woman to trust unless she has a reason not to trust? Why is it OK for the man to lie? Why should WOMEN be the responsible ones all the time; should we trust or not trust, love or not love? The way I see it is that MOST women put their best into a situation and hope that all turns out well. Men tend to take advantage of GOOD women many times. I do not feel "stupid" because I have been lied to. The "stupid" person is the person who chooses lying as their means of existence. I for one am tired of being lied to, but until MEN decide that they have a problem in WANTING IT ALL, I'm sure I'll be lied to again. That is something I cannot control. What women CAN do is ask more questions and not get so STARRY eyed over these three legged animals! Never go out with a married man and you'll make his cheating less possible!!!! I firmly believe that MOST men have a lot of evolving to do. I'm sick of hearing how women get hurt and how it's OUR FAULT!!!! Whatever happened to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"? That's all any one of us can do, and if everyone did that, there would BE no problem...would there?
                --- "Anon"

Men lie because they are whimps.. and have no back bone to stand up and be responsible witht he truth.. it's easier for them to tell a lie than deal with the real issue at hand.. men Coward to conflicts even though they created it. and they hope they won't get caught. but womans intuition is much stronger than a mans coverup...
                --- ladyt

The guy's response is sad and typical. Men don't tell the truth because they're afraid of losing something while they're still "using" it. If they lie, they can control the situation.
                --- Woman

Karyn is on target. While I agree with some of what Mike says, I have experienced a few of the scenarios described by Karyn.
                --- Blue

She is sooo right
I'm not referring to all guyz here but c'mon, the typical stereo typical guy lies because a) he doesn't express his feelings b) is scared of being hurt and c) is scared of being seen for the person he really is so he therefore acts like someone else and leads them into a stupid place

Well i dunno..I guess it's true what the other guy said to some extent, and i'll admit-alot of women overanalyze situations-like me. But not all of us do....And i do not lie..youy say everyone lies? not me
                --- erin

                --- AMY

men lie because they are afraid to face the consequences of their actions. they don't understand all along that eventually the truth comes out and what they were trying to avoid ends up being the inevitable. thr funny thing is men will stick by their lie until the end. they know lying is wrong. they have a conscience but listening to it is something totally different. there are very few men who this doesn't apply to. in my lifetime i've only met one and he is my best friend.
                --- tasha

i think that most men do not want to grow up.
they like women the same way they like thier toys.
as soon as they get one they love it to death play with it until they grow tired of it then push it aside until they find a better toy. if they can not find one fast enough they pull out the old toy and give it some attention so the old toy dosent feel so neglected that it might want to leave. meanwhile they have test driven about 100 new toys and put them back on the shelf.
                --- tracy

Although my experince leads me to lean more towards Karyn's explanation, I don't think the issue is why men lie, the issue is why can't they just be honest and tell the truth, if everybody, men and women, would do that, the world would be a better place, there would be less divorce and there would be fewer children growing up in single parent homes. Sure, being honest with somebody may hurt them at first, but eventually, they realize that through that honesty, they were possibly prevented from making a huge mistake. Lies on the other hand have bring a pain that runs deep and makes the person that has been lied to wonder what they did to deserve that, why they were not worthy of the honest that everyone is entitled to. So, why don't you all try to just be honest, I know that I am now, and though it's not easy, it's helped me to know who my true friends are, who I can really count on.....those people that accept the honesty that I give them, and respect me for it, and are still my friends after getting that honesty.
                --- Lora



                --- "Anon"

You are so right. They just say whatever they want that makes it come out to their advantage. I cannot understand the wild lies men tell sometimes. I think that some of them have no feelings of guilt at all. I have seen it in men that I am not involved with except work for. They are telling lies to their wives all the time and then telling me about it and laughing and thinking it is giving them power and that it is funny. They just pretty much do what they want and try not to get caught.
                --- Jane

Believing that a man lies because he is not in touch with his emotions is a BIG LIE! You would be lying to yourself and bound o suffer a lot if you thought guys do or say things because they are unsure... they lie because they are plain COWARDS.
                --- Masha

been there doing that
                --- anon

She's right and I'm a guy. That is why there is that "nookie" song. While we may like to pretend we are not in touch with out feelings we can be if we want to be. it is just too easy and there are too many willing female accomplices who allow us are lying lifestyles. Sure women should not fall into the same trap of men's lies -- but then again -- we have honed this skill our entire lives and we have our lying brotherhood for ready back up or alibi's -- do they really stand a chance? I don't think so.
                --- darin

I'm with onehundred percent girl you keep picking those losers and never find a nice guy(yes they do exsist) and you'll get lied to and hurt everyday of your life....if your sense of who to date is as bad as yours then I guess your just doomed!

I'll be praying for you...
                --- Chris

She is a woman and she knows
                --- redo47

Men lie because they are cowards who don't want to burn any bridges.
                --- Anon

Men lie because they can.
                --- Kat

It's interesting that the person who edits this web page deleted the more thorough analyses of why men lie.
                --- "Anon"

                --- LEGACY

Men lie because it is convienient. It's easier for them to lie to us then to deal with a situation on our level. They lie because they can. It's not because they aren't in toch with their emotions- it's because they honestly believe that they can get away with it.

                --- "Anon"

I lie for the Nookie. All is fair. Besides some women don't want to hear the truth.
                --- Anton

I'm With Mike
click here if you agree with Mike

I am a woman and I agree with Mike. If every guy was honest they would be alone. They say what we want to hear. We want to hear how much they like us and want to be with us. They tell us how beautiful we are, Even on our "bad hair" days. We don't want to hear how they like spending time with us but sometimes they need guy time. We fall for thier lines everytime. So who's fault is it then? Da
                --- anon

men do have feelings, and women exspect men to say what they want to hear. and women are final about the relationship when men dont say what she wants to hear. women think that he dont say yes you are beautiful or yes i love you, there is someone else. women will also lie to keep what ever the relationship is going.but they dont let the man know that either.
we are all the same
                --- char

I think lies can go both ways. Men do it and women do it. It used to be that women lied more about material purchases and men about more stepping over boundary issues such as running around to clubs, having an affair, or coming home drunk at 2:30 in the morning when he was suppose to be working. Now, it doesn't matter. Women lie about these things too. The question then is why lie. Two people in a loving relationship shouldn't have to lie. No one should be doing anything so tragic that it crosses a boundary and risks hurting someone else, breaking up a marriage, or a friendship. The one who is doing the lieing is the one who will suffer the most. For example: In an affair, the person having the affair is the one responsible for the affair. Even if they feel the affair fills some unmet need that the marriage isn't fulfilling is a poor excuse to be having an affair. Sure, we all have needs. Sure we all hopefully want them filled by our partner. If not, we need to do some real soul searching and get some guidance from a professional. Who contributes to an affair. No one. No one, that is, but the one having it. Even if the partner of the unfaithful person is difficult to live with, or is having some other problem, it does not give another the ticket to find someone else. Cut out the scientific excuses about men weren't meant to be monogamous, or guys will be guys, or it doesn't hurt to look as long as we don't touch, or she's just a friend. I get tired of all the excuses, anlysis from everyone on relationships, affairs, and peoples negative behavior. Face your problems or get out. Don't lie to others or yourself. Honor your vows. Marriage is more then a piece of paper or some legal document. It is not just a pretty party for a night and a glamorous honeymoon on some tropical island. It is bringing together two people who have chosen to spend their lives together and are willing to make the sacrifices and work hard at it. It takes, on each part, more then 100% and will never balance equally at all times. It pays to be honest and not lie. Don't follow the leader and let others draw you into doing something wrong. Be a leader and do what's right. And if you do find yourself telling a lie, stop and think how you would feel if you were the one being lied to.
                --- Faith

                --- HMC

I like Mike is wright...i dont know y but i feel pateiences when i read him

                --- AHmad Basit

I do agree with Michael much more than Karen. It sounds to me that her choice of men has been poor if the lies she translated are a common occurrance. I have found that when I feel good about who I am and know what I am worth and the fact that I am independant I never have had this problem. Maybe because I grew up with 3 brothers and have 2 boys myself I trust men more than I do women who in my experience have been petty, competive, coniving and would hurt a friendship with a close girlfriend for a man. I do have close freindships with women and they have the same feelings and opinions that I do. When a woman defines her life by having a man and defines her self worth by that relationship, she will tend to attract men who lie and as she doesn't have the confidence to walk away the first time it happens.
                --- Anon

I'm more with Mike than Karyn on this one. Even though I've had my fair share of experiences of men telling untruths, I don't agree with Karyn's reason as to why men lie. Over the years I've decided that men are just plain cowardly when it comes to "hurting" women or dealing with an emotional scene. They tell us what they think we want to hear instead of what they really feel.
                --- Laura

                --- "Anon"

Everyone lies,I have been with my mate for 4 years and we have had our problems. All because he truly doesn't know what he want's until he is about to lose me. I think he looks at his friends and think's ( Well I must be missing out on something ). So he begins to act like his friends, then i start to think and give him some breathing room and wait and see if he chooses to be with someone else or not. He knows that I will all ways move on with my life if he feels stuck in our relationship. But of course he doesn't say he is or even when I ask him is still happy with me. I think he just doesn't know how to express his feelings for me very well. But I still love him any way.
                --- Tonda

I agree with Mike because I just don't buy that ALL men are out there trying to lie and hurt women as Karen suggested. I think alot of men lie to make themselves look better, cover up an affair etc. Hell, don't we all tell a little white lie every now and then?
                --- Jessica

actually i believe both sides, but i'll stick with mike and try to make a point. i've never had a real relationship till now (i'm 20) the few guys i would try to go out with i'd find out just wanted me for sex or a shoulder to cry on. i'm a very generous person and have always wanted a nice relationship where sex isn't an issue. i don't believe in one night stands or anything to that nature. i just wanted someone to care for me and like me for who i was. but i was never getting that. and it would break my heart every time i found out the guy didn't want that. i had such high standards that maybe a guy wouldn't want sex and just want me. but i have finally found that guy (hopefully forever) and i've found that if a person, guy or girl, just follows their instinct, knows what they want, and doesn't settle for less, you can't hurt yourself. it's equal on both sides. yes, maybe guys are pigs, players, sluts.... i will always believe this. but you don't have to give in to it. and a big factor in a relationship: COMMUNICATION!!! if you don't communicate or feel comfortable with each other, it's useless. my boyfriend and i have good communication and that's why i think we could last.
                --- lizzy

Women's reproductive and sexual parts are on the inside and men's parts on mostly on the outside. Is it symbolic of the fact that women mostly think and speak with their insides (heart, feelings, etc.) and men with their outer parts!!??
                --- Angeleyes

i think he is right because stupid women fall for stupid lies and it's nobody's fault but their own.
                --- kim
howell, michigan99 united states9
I think Mike is right about a few points, but women think they are always lying because they usually are.
                --- anon

I think Mike is right in a way. While I understand Karyn's frustration, I have to say that I agree more with Mike. I believe the reason why most relationships don't work is because a person expects the other person in the relationship to validate their feelings, emotions, thoughts, ect.
I think that we go into relationships with great expectations and assumptions and then we are
at a loss when things are not what we wanted.
Of course they won't be!
I think men and women would get along alot much better if they would just take the time in a relationship and get to know the other person.
Really enjoy their company and get to know how they think, feel and operate. Get to really enjoy the other person for who they are and not what they can offer us.
It is this desperation of 'being in a relationship/marraige' that gets us into trouble.
If in less than six-eight months into a relationship, a woman is daydreaming about what kind of china and what kind of house she and her boyfriend will have together, that woman does not know what love is.(Same goes for men of course).
If we learned to love and accept our lovers the same way we do our friends, more relationships would end up in happy marriages. Think about this, we treat our friends with more respect and consideration than we do our 'significant other'.

Remember, home is where we are treated best, but grumble most.

How sad but true.
                --- Maggie Aponte

You are both right, and wrong! Some men (like some women) are not decent people and use others for their own ego or selfishness. Given that the man is a loving and decent guy, initially he does not purposly lie. He learns to lie due to the way he is treated by the women he loves. If she verbally assaults or criticizes him whenever he makes a mistake, forgets something, doesn't do what SHE thinks he should, he will learn to not tell the complete truth. To a women this means it is a lie. The most important thing for a women to do, if she wants a man to NOT lie, is to ACCEPT and APPRECIATE him for who he is, faults and all. If a man knows he will be criticized for any minor infraction, he will find the easier way out which often leads to misinformation. If he feels unconditionally loved for who and what HE is, he will not lie. Problem is that most women want a man who they can shape and improve into what they really want, they want a work in progress.
                --- Mike

judgeing by the first series its no wonder men lie as by telling the truth we are instantly labeled as lying.
i have found that by answering any question
directly simply gets you in trouble.
so the best answer to the what do i look like question is "what sort of a stupid question is
the thing that i have found is the best person
to sleep with is some one who thinks that they are
wanted and or attractive not allways someone
who is!
                --- dan

i have to agree with mike.I also think guys lie just to cover there ass. Don't get me wrong girls do too, but women know women and dont trust each other. Whats really sad is my fiance is still lying to me. Of course it hurts when someone you're really close to and love, does that. You just get to the point sometimes where "whats the point of asking this,or that." I think from enough B.S. Im cracking free of my naive shell of asking questions of guys cause you never know if its the truth.
                --- Donna

I agree with Mike partially. I don't think women are stupid and fall for lies. Sometimes we have to take a person for what they say (unless the lie is just plain stupid). We can't play detective on a constant basis with just one thing in mind: finding out the truth. That takes away from life.
Once I was going out with a man-"child" (at the time i didn't want a full-blown relationship and we agreed to being friends and doing things together). I didn't care if he was dating other women. He was very eager to convince me that he really liked me and that he was seeing nobody else. Actually that was the part that bothered me.
Later, I found out how he was bragging to his friends how he eliminated every trace of evidence of his ex-girlfriend when I was coming over. I'm pretty sure, he sounded like a real he-man to his friends. I was wondering though who was the stupid one. Me or him? He's the one who lost my trust and friendship.
So why the lie? Why did he go through all the trouble to hide any evidence of "other women" in his place, when I wasn't even looking for it. My best guess is he wanted to keep us all in the game just in case one decides to leave. Then he wouldn't be all by himself. So what looked like a real act of true manhood to his friends, was really nothing but an act of a scared little boy who was afraid to loose the 'love' of any woman.
He felt that if he didn't lie to me telling me that I'm "the special woman",I wouldn't stick around.
A lie is a tool intended to change reality when a person lacks the power to change a given situation. A man who lies wants to change reality because he truly feels powerless. The sad truth is that he not only lies to another person. He also lies to himself.

                --- Sam

I believe Mike is right, however it leaves little room for any kind of real understanding between the sexes. Essentially what Mike is saying is that if women don't ask questions they will be played upon and if they do ask questions they will be lied to. There is no happy medium. The only real alternative is to become a nun or a lesbian.
                --- m

Mike admits that men really are clueless. I believe that men do what they want and dont have all the emotional garbage women hold on to. So if a guy is in a relationship and seems happy, he probably is. I think what ruins it is the constant insecurities of the woman......
                --- "Anon"

I cannot relate to the issue truly. I only dated women up until eight months ago. The man I am with now does not seem to resemble most of the ones contributing to this site. He is honest and loving. You may call me naive, but I believe he has not lied to me, and will not lie to me. We are very open with one another: I look at other men and women, and so does he. We are secure in our love for one another.
I suppose I should make my comment about the issue in question, instead of vaunting about my significant other. I wanted to say that many of my male friends seem to follow the Mikean philosophy when it comes to lying. Which makes it difficult to find an understanding between the sexes. I think many women need to be more understanding about men's disconnection from their emotional state, although within the limits of reason. Cheating and the like are, of course, not to be tolerated.
                --- Erin

Sumos right. You women have issues, and we love that!!!
                --- "Anon"

Men lie because they know women these days have very fragile self esteem (what with plastic surgery all around and actresses who look like 12 year old boys), they also know women will turn on one another(that fat bitch, what a slut) and they realize women more often than not see what they want to see (he loves me! He really does!! He would never cheat) Men are men, and any weakness we find in the fairer sex will be used to the ultimate advantage. Men aren't dumb, we just play it really well to make you feel like you have the upper hand!
                --- Sumo

I agree with mike more than Karyn, but that is because I know that what goes through my mind is closer to what he said. I however let my female friends know upfront if they ask me a question like that I will answer honestly. "am I fat?" is answered "a little or not really or no or yes depending on who asks. "is she good looking?" is answered almost always as Yes, unless the pointed out girl isn't do you love me is normally answered yes unless I don't then it's answered no, but I have already broken it off if the answer is no. basicly if I'm asked a question I use the honest answer because if they know me they know beter to ask unless they want the truth...However, I will volentier a lie if they don't ask...such as her favorite dress becomes I really like that dress it looks good on you ect.. after all I'm not an asshole, and I know everyone like complaments. Also if ask about how a girl looks after my honest answer I normally complament the girl I'm with on something...I'm honest not dumb!
                --- Chris

Mike is right in my book!
Men lie for variety of reasons and so do women. I think that many women do force their man into a corner.
                --- Beryl

Michael's right. Women do put men on the spot. Men don't know how to answer their questions because they ALWAYS get the wrong answer;they have to, 'cause there is no right answer. He very acurately demonstrated that with his Questions/answers area. Women don't know what they want to hear, but it definitely isn't the truth. Women shouldn't ask complicated questions, and if they do, they should accept the answers instead of getting pissed off for nothing...It isn't his fault, is it? Men are in it for sex...That's their nature. If you can't deal with that, don't blame them.
                --- Misty

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