the truth shall set you free, or come back and haunt
you?
--- anonymous
I agree with Mike for the most part.However, I do feel
that men should just say what they mean. If the women can not accept that then perhaps
they don't belong together.
--- Nicole
I've found that nobody, and I mean NOBODY is ever now,
nor will ever be capable of pulling off any lie, no matter how well, crafted, executed,
and tracked....why? Because there will always be that one person who will not believe the
lies being told to him/her..or at least will question the validity of the bill of goods
being presented to him/her....In other words, it takes two to tango...so I agree, if you
don't want to be lied to, then don't allow yourself to easily believe everything you're
told!!!!
--- LOLA
I happen to like men. I just think that they do think
and feel differently than women a lot of the time- and a lot of women make it difficult
for them to be honest. Men, jut blurt it out and women, if it's not what you want to hear,
move on to the next one.
--- "Anon"
Some men are real jerks but you can't blame yourself and
you can't blame them for everything that doesn't reach your expectations. Women lie just
as much as men do, we just lie about different things. I think when we love a man so much
it scares the shit out of them and some of them can't handle it so they lie to you or
leave you. And others don't want to believe that they're really in love so they cheat. And
sometimes it's also to prove to their friends that they aren't whipped. Men are not all
liars. I have had some really bad experiences but you know what, they shit on you once
poor you, they shit on you twice shame on you. All I can say is learn from your mistakes,
don't blame everything on the guys. Get over it, and once they know you're over it they'll
come crawling back because they're jealous.
--- Angela
I agree with Mike. Most of the lies I've told have been
an attempt to 'go along to get along.' I just figure that I can say something she wants to
hear and then we can get back to whatever is actually happening at the moment. HOWEVER I'm
beginning to regret that prctice. Every single cheerful 'utility' lie that I've ever told
has led to an ever more complicated string of lies. I start out saying 'Of course I love
you.' and I end up saying 'Of course I'm happy , of course I wouldn't be happier without
you, of course I want to build my life around calming your many fears and anxieties even
if it is done at the expense of my own self esteem, of course I'm willing to sacrifice my
own hopes and dreams on the altar of your ambitions, of course I don't hate you and resent
every second that I have to spend in your company.' I think if I had answered the first
question honestly, (I like some things about you, I love a few things about you, I am
uncomfortable with a few other tings about you) I could have saved us both a lot of
misery. After you've spent some time stringing someone along and putting a happy face on
your misgivings, it hurts a lot worse to admit that you don't want to be with them. Of
course, I've never been a bald faced liar. I usually can't tell an effective lie unless I
believe it myself. That means that I end up hurting myself almost as badly as I hurt the
recipient of the lie. One lie that women tell that leads men to lie: 'I wish that I could
meet a man who was sensitive and in touch with his feelings.' I have never met a woman who
actually meant that one. The man that makes their heart strings zing is usually some lout
that reminds them of their father. I wish I could meet a woman who had the integrity to
not need that feeling of love/hate/security/fear that comes with the words "Daddie's
Home!" Oh by the way, am I recently separated? You bet! Hurt and a little bitter? How
could you tell? Really, I think some people lie and some people don't. Men really aren't
that different from women.
--- "Anon"
I agree with mike because (hopefully) not all men are
like what karen says.yes girls do get hurt a lot but boys probible do just as much they
just voice it in a different way.(besides locking themselves in their bedroom and crying
for a week)
--- michelle
I agree with Mike. Sometimes women do tend to act
irrationally towards men's responses, which may cause a man to feel he has to lie. Yet i
dont totally agree with saying stupid women fall for these lies,just women who are either
blinded by love or naive.
--- Jen
once a cheat always a cheat, I believe you should chop
off his meat.
--- Quinn
I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, not
matter their sex. And I do believe, from personal experience that men are *sometimes*
truly out of touch, and there isn't any malice there.
--- Miss Ann
I think men tell lies in order not to cause any
upheavels in a relationship that is otherwise great or satisfactory
--- "Anon"
Dear Mike,
I agree with you. If this society didn't place on the shoulders of all women the role of
nurturer and caretaker we would be able to tell and accept the truth. Women are constantly
thinking how someone is going to understand what they say. They feel responsible for the
hurt and think they should avoid that experience at all cost. I think the most successful
relationships must have a foundation of truth. Trust is only gained by a truth. Lies are
unstable. If you want a good exchange...tell the truth no matter what.
--- Lissa
Dear Mike,
I agree with you. If this society didn't place on the shoulders of all women the role of
nurturer and caretaker we would be able to tell and accept the truth. Women are constantly
thinking how someone is going to understand what they say. They feel responsible for the
hurt and think they should avoid that experience at all cost. I think the most successful
relationships must have a foundation of truth. Trust is only gained by a truth. Lies are
unstable. If you want a good exchange...tell the truth no matter what.
--- Lissa
Yup, I'm with Micheal, I am a 25 year old woman and it
is quite obvious to everyone in a room when a gorgeous woman strolls by, the same for an
attractive man entering the room. I could put myself in a painful place single or involved
comparing myself to other women, or wondering if someone could really love me honestly. I
say don't ask, just trust your gut feelings about a partner, but before you do that check
out your level of personal contentness first. Should we really have to ask our partners
love us?
--- "Anon"
I agree With Mike, I don't think that men always lie for
selfishness, being a woman I know that
we are pretty hard to figure out, and reading our minds is no easy task since they are so
full. Most women are really insecure anyway and are threatned by male honesty.
--- "Anon"
Of course I agree with Michael. These poor fellas just
don't know what to do
with their feelings. Men are just as afraid of pain as women are. I am not
saying that MANY men are INFANTS but I think more men try to do the right
thing these days its just that an awful lot of women are not OK with
themselves and let their relationships determine their own worth.
If this turns out to be the case in a particular relationship the guy is
left with too much responsibility to make HER feel OK and that is not right.
This Karyn person I am sorry is just another example of Nothing happening
that we don't allow....Get out...Go to school ...make your own money...your
own life....your OWN happiness. It makes me angry that chicks think that men
are jerks all the time, we women have given them ALL the power to tell us we
are OK and that we are worthy of LOVE...that we are beautiful...Get yourself
some self worth and appreciation for what you will tolerate and what you
won't. TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE .
There is an excellent chance that a man that is right for you will be
attracted to you and you to him. We attract what we are... Come On
Girls....Too many women put the responsibility on a man to make them happy..
As my friend Jackie says Men are like trolley cars, there is always another
one right around the corner.....
--- Michelle
Women ask men these questions to find out if they are in
for the long haul or just stopping in for a quick snack. Women want to hear that her man
is in love with her, doesn't think about other women in terms of sex or otherwise, thinks
they are the only woman that they will ever think about, and wants only to make her happy.
It is a nice dream but a selfish one at that. Men are not pigs but they are human. They
are not necessarily going to cheat but you can bet at one point or another they have
thought about it, and they do want to be with you and make you happy but they have there
own happiness to think about too. You are not perfect no one is but you are what he is
looking for but you have to be understanding and not push him into a position where he has
to decide between lying and not. If he is not right for you, you will find out eventually
you have just got to be strong enough to tell him where to go if he does. Remember don't
try and stop things from happening that will only make them happen sooner. Be happy while
you can or there is no point in being in a relationship anyways.
--- Denny
Theres a line from an old song: "Women think about
themselves when their menfolk aint around." Hell, its that way all the time. Almost
all the women I know think about themselves first and their partner maybe, but only if its
convenient. the nice guys try to stay and "help", but there really is no help
for someone afflicted with a lifetime of insecurities. The best one i hear is "i have
such low self-esteem" Heck, if you werent such a dominating bitch maybe a man would
stay past the enamorization phase.
--- "Anon"
I only partially agree with Micheal. After reading entry
after entry of these lies, I realize that maybe I am quite different than the
"average" man. I, for one, AM NOT out of touch with my emotions. I know what I
feel, actually, that is usually all I DO know. I am really trying not to generalize here,
but one thing I notice about women's approach to relationships is that (some) women
actually strive to find someone that is emotionally aloof. This gives them an opportunity
to try to define the, as of
yet, undefined. As for the men who have a strong character and express themselves
effectively, we tend to get the short end of the stick. We speak with compassion,
intelligence, thoughtfulness, and love and, unfortunately for all involved, all this is
taken as a sign of weakness, or taken advantage of. So is it any wonder guys play
emotionally stupid? Many of us have well-understood feelings and get played for a sucker,
or end up in the "friend zone" because we really are real, truthful, and good to
have around when conflicts arise. I have two last peices of advice for distressed women:
1) The close "platonic" guy friends you do have will probably love and cherish
you better than anyone else can, so don't dismiss them, because their love is there
without promise of sexual gratification. How much more REAL does it get? 2)Contrary to
popular belief, LOVE is NOT one emotion, it is the effective melding of all emotions into
a working day-by-day comfort that a person gives when you are in his or her presence
through thick and thin. This is what should be strived for.
--- Mr. Swingset
Yeah, I gotta admit, men keep telling us lies because we
ask for it, and we tolerate it. If we (that is, men AND women) harnessed our insecurities,
summoned some self-control, and just told it like it is, we'd all be alot better off. And
if we pitched those lyin' buggas into the BabyMan file the first time they did it, they
might learn, too. So, Mike, if you'd just verbalize those thoughts that come into your
head when she asks you questions like that, maybe she'd get a freakin' clue that she's
setting you both up. And Karen, if you'd just verbalize your feelings and ask for what you
need instead of distilling them down into lose-lose questions, maybe HE'd get a clue that
you need something from him that is more deep than an answer to an obtuse question. And if
you have to ask questions about paying the bills then the guy should be history! And to
Karen and the reader who said men are in it only for the sex, I've got to say, if men were
in it only for the sex, women would get laid alot more often... Men are really scared --
not of sex, but of what they think goes with it.
--- Linda
I agree With Mike, I don't think that men always lie for
selfishness, being a woman I know that we are pretty hard to figure out, and reading our
minds is no easy task since they are so full. Most women are really insecure anyway and
are threatned by male honesty.
--- Shannah
I would have to agree partially with Michael, although I
do disagree with his designation of the "TARGET," as he so explicitly puts it.
Men and women alike, who are seeing somebody, are usually expected to give that somebody
comfort in whatever form is necessary. Many people suffering from a low self-esteem often
try to gain gratification by either insinuating themselves or their parallels (asking how
their partner likes something, which they then relate to a certain issue they are worried
about, such as weight, hair-colour or other such self-esteem affecting issues) into
conversations or by asking outright e.g. "do you love me?" "does my weight
show in this sweater?" (excuse me if I'm being gender-specific), or other such
questions. All these questions are designed to affect that person's self-esteem in either
direction.
The thing about lies men tell to women is that men are usually quite content to sit and
enjoy the moment, not wondering whether the person next to him likes him or not but only
happy to be in their company. Women on the other hand are more talkative creatures, their
social upbringing encourages them to talk about their emotions and understand them while
men usually do not understand them and much less want to talk about them, and suddenly a
woman slaps him with a question where he has to go and examine his emotions. In a tight
spot, being forced to answer fast and answer good, men usually take the shortest route and
lie.
A quote by Oscar Wilde: Women ruin the moment by trying to make it last forever.
--- Gissur Þórhallsson
Yeah, I'm with Michael. I thought that Karyn's lies were
pretty funny but I got really pissed off about that one that goes "Of course I love
you for who you are." And then she says it means, "I'm only in it for the
sex." What the hell does she want? I mean, that's the truth. Men are only in it for
the sex. That's the way we're built. I think she's making too much of a big deal about it.
--- "Anon"
Could it be that women are just stupid for falling for
our lies??
--- Jerry
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