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Men Tell Women

Do men lie because they are selfish, egotistical, callous and self seeking? 

Do men lie because they are not in touch with their emotions and are not as liable for their lies as the women who fall for them?

What do you think?



Karyn Gordon seems to be saying that men lie because they are selfish, egotistical, callous and self seeking. 

Michael McCabe seems to be saying that men lie because they are not in touch with their emotions and are not as liable for their lies as the stupid women who fall for them.

What do you think?


I'm With Karyn
click here if you agree with Karyn

Men lie because they do not want to take responsibility for thier options. They know exactly what is right and what is wrong to do in a relationship. If your adult enough to have a relationship, you should be adult enough to make a committment and be honest, If a man is afraid of losing someone its because they know they are doing something wrong and they must lie to keep thier convenient life. Men and Women both need to grow up and be honest, if your partner does not except you as you are you need to find someone who does. Or stay by yourself. Compromise is always the answer and if you want your partners trust dont give her a reason to doubt by lieing. bottom line. If you know what you want, go for it and be truthful if you dont tell them that up front and you will give them the choice. This way you will never be called selfish. Thanks for listening to my comments, Sally Pesiri
                --- Ms. Sally Pesiri

Men lie because the little brains they sometimes have are in their penises. They are too stupid to realize that woman do usually find out about their lies eventually and sometimes if they would have told the truth in the first place, it wouldn't have caused nearly as big of an issue. I think every woman should think the way I do: Never trust men. Never beleive what they say. Never take their word for anything because their word is no good. Just use them for sex the way they have done to most of us, because let's face it, we need sex the same way they do. Never have feelings for them because most of the time they don't know what feelings are and why would you want to care for someone and love them when they don't care about you?

                --- Missy

                --- MARIE

I hate to say it but it has been my experience that men really are not all that different from each other. My first love, right out of high school lied to me right from the start. He was dating another girl when we first hooked up - no big deal - I was dating somebody else, too. He tried to make me jealous by telling me about the other girl by letting me know he wasn't available for some function and he wanted to get together on another day. Well I couldn't make it the other day and he asked why so I told him that I was seeing someone else also. WOW!!!! Now he was in love with me and didn't want me to see anybody else. He broke off his relationship with the other girl and bought me an engagement ring and then started to cheat on me again!!!! Well, I don't fall head over heels automatically since then but I have to tell you...history keeps repeating itself. I'm attractive, have a good job, like to have fun but I really don't want to have sex with every guy I date, you know??? I try to save it for somebody who really cares about me but I've been deceived repeatedly!!!! I date someone for a few months and they claim they love me! Well, if the chemistry seems right I figure why not. We usually wind up having a wonderful time for about a year. Then the lies start to you are really getting to know one another because you find out that this guy has a past history of cheating on an ex-wife with an ex-girlfriend and is now cheating on you with ex-friends of the ex-wife and dating girls at work and dating married business associates and the funny thing was, I was the regular Saturday night date. He called me every night before he went to bed, sent me little email messages every day at work and called me every day after lunch. He was going out every single night with somebody else!!!!!!! Go figure? I have more bizzaro stories but I just wanted to give you a taste of why I think I should right the book on dysfunctional men. I could write half the book on my experiences and the other half on what my friends have gone through. One old cliche is very true, "Can't live with them and can't live without them." So I figure I'll just take what I can use and leave the rest. I will never marry again (that's another story!!).
                --- "Anon"

men do not want to grow up--they equate commitment and honesty to a women with that process--therefore something to be avoided at all costs. They seem to feel sharing anything emotionally makes them wussies!
                --- Cara Pumphrey

Guys do lie because of what Karyn says. My recent boyfriend just went to the BX(a store), shop lifted a few useless items because he needed the thrill, got caught by the MP (military police). When he called me, this is what he said"I was with Jared, Jared stole everything, I didn't have anything to do with it...but I still have a criminal record..." I had a feeling he was lying... but I didn't want to believe it. Cause last time he lied he said"I don't ever want to lie to you ever again, I promise I never will." Well, I finally looked into it, and he was the one that had stolen the stuff. I got mad... but now he says I'm over-reacting, and it wasn't a big deal. But it is to me! He betrayed my trust. He even said"Ya, I took your trust for granted... oh well." He will say anything to get out of trouble...including lying to his girlfriend(me) who he has been with for a year. Then he says"I just don't understand." I understand, he plays games to put on a show...inside he is laughing...and me, trying to figure out the games...I'm crying inside and out.
                --- Brigette

I have to agree with Karyn! I just got out of a relationship with a "LIAR ! He is selfish, self centered and deserves to get his "What goes around comes around" day. He is a liar cheat! And his name is Frank! Jennifer, Good LUck!!!!!!!
                --- Linda

I live with one of the biggest liars in the world.
I think he lies because he is incapable of facing a truth in his life, it scares the hell out of him to think that he can actually be "honest" about anything. I get outward lies, lies by omission, you name it....He thinks I am dumb, don't know what he is up to, but somehow, I am always a step ahead of his game. I can predict the outcome of the day from the way he calls me four times at work, comes in the door at night, bla bla bla....
Am I gonna stay? No way, gonna be down that road as soon as I am able....Do I love him? Terribly so, but not enough to be walked on for the rest of my life...time is just too short.
                --- Karen

The following response was submitted anonymously and I have no way of thanking the person who sent it in except by place this thank you here. Wow -- great words of wisdom that I know many will benefit from. Thank you.
                --- PUBLIC "THANK YOU" FROM EDITOR

Oh Pa-leeze...give me break! I've read the replies who sided with Mike and I'm nauseous! You are forced to lie?! You are left with no alternative to to lie?! Women make you lie?! Women presuure you to lie?! That is absurd.
For the most part, people lie for their own advantages and to control others' reactions. They are afraid of what might happen if the truth were known. Well guys, you each were born with a set of them....use them! Relationship speaking, if a woman asks you a question which for which you care not to answer or are still yet unsure of the answer, tell her so. Don't be afraid to stand up to the truth. If she doesn't like it, better than you know now than 10 years down the road. A relationship should be based on trust and honesty. Along with that comes respect. Without it, it's a waste of your time and hers.
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become action.
Watch your actions, for it becomes your destiny.
-Don't waste it lying.
                --- "Anon"

Men need to be able to tell their true feelings because honesty is the best policy. I would much rather know that a guy has lost interest in me than have him lie and lead me on.
                --- Laura

Yep, I've heard most of these lies, still hearing them too. I prefer honesty(in a tactful manner mind you). Yes, the truth may hurt sometimes, but I'd rather be hurt by the truth than be lied to and get slammed in the end.
                --- Lisa

I'm definitely with Karyn! I've gone through practically everything in her statement! Men (most)are such rats! They think by lying to us, it'll make us feel better. But in contrast, they're just hurting us more. My ex-boyfriend was seeing someone else while we were still living together and is still seeing her, even though we're in this transitional period of getting back together. I guess I'm just attracted to jerks.

                --- H.Ngo

Because guys suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                --- da_evil_walrus

I agree with Karyn. If a man would be honest in the beginning there
will be no need for his woman to have doubts. If he leads her to doubt
then of course the 100 questions will be asked.

Sincerely yours

                --- Simona S. Barton

Well actually I believe that men lying is a part of nature just as women lie.
There is not one exact explanation for men lying neither is there one for women. I mean you can not tell me that you have never lied in your life....and if you did (which is probably the answer) then that makes you just as guilty as anyone else who lied or lies even men. So basically i'm not really for katherine or michael because they both just have one excuse. And you also have to remember that each man is different from another; no two are alike, therefore this argument between you two is pointless.

                --- "Anon"

I think that men are particularly selfish and unaware when they lack any morals or ethics about leading women on. Men do take marriage for granted and there IS a double standard against women for faithfulness. If, on average, women made as much money as men did, I don't think they would put up with any of it. It's not just money, it's the ability to bring children up, left behind by the same thoughtless beast. It really isn't possible to bring up emotionally healthy children without a good income and a part time job.

Women do need to stand up for themselves, but most of them haven't been taught how to, and they certainly aren't going to learn it from the media, their friends, or indeed their fathers who are long gone.

Go Karyn!

                --- Sara Sause

I don't think I'm with either of them, but I sure don't think that women are to blame for getting lied to. Men need to take responsibility for themselves and just say it like it is.
                --- Wendy

I hate to admit it but men really do lie exactly the way Karyn says they do!
                --- Zach

I hate to admit it but men really do lie exactly the way Karyn says they do!
                --- Zach

I'm With Mike
click here if you agree with Mike

the truth shall set you free, or come back and haunt you?
                --- anonymous

I agree with Mike for the most part.However, I do feel that men should just say what they mean. If the women can not accept that then perhaps they don't belong together.
                --- Nicole

I've found that nobody, and I mean NOBODY is ever now, nor will ever be capable of pulling off any lie, no matter how well, crafted, executed, and tracked....why? Because there will always be that one person who will not believe the lies being told to him/her..or at least will question the validity of the bill of goods being presented to him/her....In other words, it takes two to I agree, if you don't want to be lied to, then don't allow yourself to easily believe everything you're told!!!!

                --- LOLA

I happen to like men. I just think that they do think and feel differently than women a lot of the time- and a lot of women make it difficult for them to be honest. Men, jut blurt it out and women, if it's not what you want to hear, move on to the next one.
                --- "Anon"

Some men are real jerks but you can't blame yourself and you can't blame them for everything that doesn't reach your expectations. Women lie just as much as men do, we just lie about different things. I think when we love a man so much it scares the shit out of them and some of them can't handle it so they lie to you or leave you. And others don't want to believe that they're really in love so they cheat. And sometimes it's also to prove to their friends that they aren't whipped. Men are not all liars. I have had some really bad experiences but you know what, they shit on you once poor you, they shit on you twice shame on you. All I can say is learn from your mistakes, don't blame everything on the guys. Get over it, and once they know you're over it they'll come crawling back because they're jealous.
                --- Angela

I agree with Mike. Most of the lies I've told have been an attempt to 'go along to get along.' I just figure that I can say something she wants to hear and then we can get back to whatever is actually happening at the moment. HOWEVER I'm beginning to regret that prctice. Every single cheerful 'utility' lie that I've ever told has led to an ever more complicated string of lies. I start out saying 'Of course I love you.' and I end up saying 'Of course I'm happy , of course I wouldn't be happier without you, of course I want to build my life around calming your many fears and anxieties even if it is done at the expense of my own self esteem, of course I'm willing to sacrifice my own hopes and dreams on the altar of your ambitions, of course I don't hate you and resent every second that I have to spend in your company.' I think if I had answered the first question honestly, (I like some things about you, I love a few things about you, I am uncomfortable with a few other tings about you) I could have saved us both a lot of misery. After you've spent some time stringing someone along and putting a happy face on your misgivings, it hurts a lot worse to admit that you don't want to be with them. Of course, I've never been a bald faced liar. I usually can't tell an effective lie unless I believe it myself. That means that I end up hurting myself almost as badly as I hurt the recipient of the lie. One lie that women tell that leads men to lie: 'I wish that I could meet a man who was sensitive and in touch with his feelings.' I have never met a woman who actually meant that one. The man that makes their heart strings zing is usually some lout that reminds them of their father. I wish I could meet a woman who had the integrity to not need that feeling of love/hate/security/fear that comes with the words "Daddie's Home!" Oh by the way, am I recently separated? You bet! Hurt and a little bitter? How could you tell? Really, I think some people lie and some people don't. Men really aren't that different from women.
                --- "Anon"

I agree with mike because (hopefully) not all men are like what karen says.yes girls do get hurt a lot but boys probible do just as much they just voice it in a different way.(besides locking themselves in their bedroom and crying for a week)

                --- michelle

I agree with Mike. Sometimes women do tend to act irrationally towards men's responses, which may cause a man to feel he has to lie. Yet i dont totally agree with saying stupid women fall for these lies,just women who are either blinded by love or naive.
                --- Jen

once a cheat always a cheat, I believe you should chop off his meat.

                --- Quinn

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, not matter their sex. And I do believe, from personal experience that men are *sometimes* truly out of touch, and there isn't any malice there.
                --- Miss Ann

I think men tell lies in order not to cause any upheavels in a relationship that is otherwise great or satisfactory
                --- "Anon"

Dear Mike,
I agree with you. If this society didn't place on the shoulders of all women the role of nurturer and caretaker we would be able to tell and accept the truth. Women are constantly thinking how someone is going to understand what they say. They feel responsible for the hurt and think they should avoid that experience at all cost. I think the most successful relationships must have a foundation of truth. Trust is only gained by a truth. Lies are unstable. If you want a good exchange...tell the truth no matter what.

                --- Lissa

Dear Mike,
I agree with you. If this society didn't place on the shoulders of all women the role of nurturer and caretaker we would be able to tell and accept the truth. Women are constantly thinking how someone is going to understand what they say. They feel responsible for the hurt and think they should avoid that experience at all cost. I think the most successful relationships must have a foundation of truth. Trust is only gained by a truth. Lies are unstable. If you want a good exchange...tell the truth no matter what.

                --- Lissa

Yup, I'm with Micheal, I am a 25 year old woman and it is quite obvious to everyone in a room when a gorgeous woman strolls by, the same for an attractive man entering the room. I could put myself in a painful place single or involved comparing myself to other women, or wondering if someone could really love me honestly. I say don't ask, just trust your gut feelings about a partner, but before you do that check out your level of personal contentness first. Should we really have to ask our partners love us?

                --- "Anon"

I agree With Mike, I don't think that men always lie for selfishness, being a woman I know that
we are pretty hard to figure out, and reading our minds is no easy task since they are so full. Most women are really insecure anyway and are threatned by male honesty.

                --- "Anon"

Of course I agree with Michael. These poor fellas just don't know what to do
with their feelings. Men are just as afraid of pain as women are. I am not
saying that MANY men are INFANTS but I think more men try to do the right
thing these days its just that an awful lot of women are not OK with
themselves and let their relationships determine their own worth.

If this turns out to be the case in a particular relationship the guy is
left with too much responsibility to make HER feel OK and that is not right.
This Karyn person I am sorry is just another example of Nothing happening
that we don't allow....Get out...Go to school ...make your own money...your
own life....your OWN happiness. It makes me angry that chicks think that men
are jerks all the time, we women have given them ALL the power to tell us we
are OK and that we are worthy of LOVE...that we are beautiful...Get yourself
some self worth and appreciation for what you will tolerate and what you

There is an excellent chance that a man that is right for you will be
attracted to you and you to him. We attract what we are... Come On
Girls....Too many women put the responsibility on a man to make them happy..
As my friend Jackie says Men are like trolley cars, there is always another
one right around the corner.....

                --- Michelle

Women ask men these questions to find out if they are in for the long haul or just stopping in for a quick snack. Women want to hear that her man is in love with her, doesn't think about other women in terms of sex or otherwise, thinks they are the only woman that they will ever think about, and wants only to make her happy. It is a nice dream but a selfish one at that. Men are not pigs but they are human. They are not necessarily going to cheat but you can bet at one point or another they have thought about it, and they do want to be with you and make you happy but they have there own happiness to think about too. You are not perfect no one is but you are what he is looking for but you have to be understanding and not push him into a position where he has to decide between lying and not. If he is not right for you, you will find out eventually you have just got to be strong enough to tell him where to go if he does. Remember don't try and stop things from happening that will only make them happen sooner. Be happy while you can or there is no point in being in a relationship anyways.

                --- Denny

Theres a line from an old song: "Women think about themselves when their menfolk aint around." Hell, its that way all the time. Almost all the women I know think about themselves first and their partner maybe, but only if its convenient. the nice guys try to stay and "help", but there really is no help for someone afflicted with a lifetime of insecurities. The best one i hear is "i have such low self-esteem" Heck, if you werent such a dominating bitch maybe a man would stay past the enamorization phase.

                --- "Anon"

I only partially agree with Micheal. After reading entry after entry of these lies, I realize that maybe I am quite different than the "average" man. I, for one, AM NOT out of touch with my emotions. I know what I feel, actually, that is usually all I DO know. I am really trying not to generalize here, but one thing I notice about women's approach to relationships is that (some) women actually strive to find someone that is emotionally aloof. This gives them an opportunity to try to define the, as of
yet, undefined. As for the men who have a strong character and express themselves effectively, we tend to get the short end of the stick. We speak with compassion, intelligence, thoughtfulness, and love and, unfortunately for all involved, all this is taken as a sign of weakness, or taken advantage of. So is it any wonder guys play emotionally stupid? Many of us have well-understood feelings and get played for a sucker, or end up in the "friend zone" because we really are real, truthful, and good to have around when conflicts arise. I have two last peices of advice for distressed women: 1) The close "platonic" guy friends you do have will probably love and cherish you better than anyone else can, so don't dismiss them, because their love is there without promise of sexual gratification. How much more REAL does it get? 2)Contrary to popular belief, LOVE is NOT one emotion, it is the effective melding of all emotions into a working day-by-day comfort that a person gives when you are in his or her presence through thick and thin. This is what should be strived for.

                --- Mr. Swingset

Yeah, I gotta admit, men keep telling us lies because we ask for it, and we tolerate it. If we (that is, men AND women) harnessed our insecurities, summoned some self-control, and just told it like it is, we'd all be alot better off. And if we pitched those lyin' buggas into the BabyMan file the first time they did it, they might learn, too. So, Mike, if you'd just verbalize those thoughts that come into your head when she asks you questions like that, maybe she'd get a freakin' clue that she's setting you both up. And Karen, if you'd just verbalize your feelings and ask for what you need instead of distilling them down into lose-lose questions, maybe HE'd get a clue that you need something from him that is more deep than an answer to an obtuse question. And if you have to ask questions about paying the bills then the guy should be history! And to Karen and the reader who said men are in it only for the sex, I've got to say, if men were in it only for the sex, women would get laid alot more often... Men are really scared -- not of sex, but of what they think goes with it.

                --- Linda

I agree With Mike, I don't think that men always lie for selfishness, being a woman I know that we are pretty hard to figure out, and reading our minds is no easy task since they are so full. Most women are really insecure anyway and are threatned by male honesty.

                --- Shannah

I would have to agree partially with Michael, although I do disagree with his designation of the "TARGET," as he so explicitly puts it. Men and women alike, who are seeing somebody, are usually expected to give that somebody comfort in whatever form is necessary. Many people suffering from a low self-esteem often try to gain gratification by either insinuating themselves or their parallels (asking how their partner likes something, which they then relate to a certain issue they are worried about, such as weight, hair-colour or other such self-esteem affecting issues) into conversations or by asking outright e.g. "do you love me?" "does my weight show in this sweater?" (excuse me if I'm being gender-specific), or other such questions. All these questions are designed to affect that person's self-esteem in either direction.

The thing about lies men tell to women is that men are usually quite content to sit and enjoy the moment, not wondering whether the person next to him likes him or not but only happy to be in their company. Women on the other hand are more talkative creatures, their social upbringing encourages them to talk about their emotions and understand them while men usually do not understand them and much less want to talk about them, and suddenly a woman slaps him with a question where he has to go and examine his emotions. In a tight spot, being forced to answer fast and answer good, men usually take the shortest route and lie.

A quote by Oscar Wilde: Women ruin the moment by trying to make it last forever.

                --- Gissur Ţórhallsson

Yeah, I'm with Michael. I thought that Karyn's lies were pretty funny but I got really pissed off about that one that goes "Of course I love you for who you are." And then she says it means, "I'm only in it for the sex." What the hell does she want? I mean, that's the truth. Men are only in it for the sex. That's the way we're built. I think she's making too much of a big deal about it.
                --- "Anon"

Could it be that women are just stupid for falling for our lies??
                --- Jerry

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