What To Do When Your Wife Finds Your Credit Card
Credit cards are a wonderful thing, credit card
statements are the works of Satan and his minions.
A friend had a birthday two months ago, I was on holidays at the time and she was working
that day. I decided it would be a nice surprise and sent her a bouquet of roses. Simply
done by ringing the local florist and giving them my credit card number over the phone. No
Well, not exactly, see this female friend and I are very close. Something my wife doesn't
see as a positive thing. I am not having an affair, that is a home truth, it's simply a
very good friendship. Try and explain it to a jealous wife.
I didn't tell the wife because it would make her unhappy, since anything she doesn't know
won't hurt her I did it on the sly.
My female friend was very happy and we traded e-mails, one of the comments she made was
that people were making comments about the two of us. After a few days I forgot all about
it. I didn't expect any reward from the gift other than making her day, she was happy I
was happy that was enough.
I made two elemental errors. For those that don't understand the concept of a good lie I
will give you pointers.
1) I left a trail.
2) I forgot about it.
It was a few weeks later that I got reminded of the facts. My credit card statement
arrived and my wife got to the mail first, she opened it and found a $40 payment to a
florist. She wasn't a happy camper. She was waiting in ambush when I arrived.
"Are you having an affair?" She accused me as I came in through the door.
"What the hell is it this time?" Was my answer, as I really didn't know what she
was going on about.
"What's this then?" She says pushing the statement at me.
"Credit card statement, and?"
"Here, see this bit here, Town Hall florists, flower delivery. Who did you send
flowers on this date?" She said angrily.
"I didn't send anyone flowers on that date, I was at home, remember?" I said,
memory being refreshed and instincts for survival taking over at this time.
"So why does it say this here?" She accused again and pointed at the bill.
"I don't know, I'll have to ask the bank to check it out." I responded, trying
to buy time by blaming a faceless bureaucracy. Government departments, conglomerates,
telephone companies and banks are all responsible for the woes of the world, blaming them
is totally acceptable.
"Well you better check this out because if you can't come up with something we are
heading for a divorce." She answered less angrily this time.
I went to the bedroom and got changed, the brain ticking in overdrive. The bank would
confirm that I did in fact buy the flowers, and checking with the florist would confirm
the recipient, that I didn't need her to know. Suddenly a neuron flashed with a memory
that would save the situation.
"I bought some flowers for Jenny's 21st Birthday, they probably forgot to bill me so
they carried it forward to this month." I said from the bedroom.
"You did?" She asked, not totally believing.
"Yes, it was just to make up for not seeing her for so long. You can check up with
her if you want to." I said, winning the whole thing over.
"I wish you would tell me these things. I thought you didn't want to deal with your
aunt and her kids any more."
"Well, it was her 21st, I just thought it would be nice, I forgot all about it
really." I said, which was the truth.
Let's stop here for a second and recap on the situation.
1) I went behind my wife's back and bought flowers for a woman that she sees as possibly
having an affair with me.
2) I left a paper trail.
3) When confronted with the evidence I didn't panic.
4) I covered up a lie with a truth.
Never cover up a lie with a lie. If you are caught lying, tell the truth but in such a way
as to get you out of trouble. I was still not out of the woods, as my wife could have
checked with my cousin and found that her birthday had been 3 months before and not 1. The
timeframe would have given me away, she didn't call, so I was okay for the moment.
I didn't think more of the situation until 2 weeks ago. The wife and I were at the mall
when we met a fellow worker. He works in a separate department and building, but the same
company as my female friend and I. There was no worry there. He did however mention that
the company Christmas party was on in a few days and why didn't I bring the wife along.
This was great, just great. Suddenly I was in trouble again. The party would be populated
by people that at one time or another had been privileged to my tender mercies. People
that would be fueled by alcohol and wanting revenge, this my wife knew. What she didn't
know was that some of them had seen the flowers in question.
The wife really wanted to go to the party, I tried to come up with a dozen good excuses
but she went on about me always not taking her to meet the people I work with. The last
argument from her was close to the "are you trying to hide something?" option. I
relented, we would go to the party.
I spent the next few days running conversations over my head, coming up with excuses why
we should cancel. Going over and over the possible situations and my actions plus
reactions, until I had covered every possible situation. There was a good chance that I
was royally screwed.
With a lot of skill I managed to get myself and the wife to the other company building,
then when at the party proper I managed to stay away from the normal crowd I work with.
This took some handling but I managed to keep my presence at the party unknown to my
enemies. For 5 hours I was riding the avalanche. It turned out to be a good party after
all, as I walked away unscathed.
Now for all those that are considering doing anything like this: well don't!
It isn't worth the aggravation. If it's in any way illegal or considered immoral, keep
right away from the situation. If you absolutely must say it with flowers, use cash.