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TELLIN' MY MATH TEACHER I WAS GONNA DIE
LIE

from: anon
(THIS IS TRUE!! PLEASE DON'T USE MY NAME!!)

I had a friend visiting from out of town while I was in my junior year of high school.  I went to school that morning very pumped! hairloss.jpg (14048 bytes)I was thinking of all the sights to show my buddy.  So, as usual, I wasn't paying attention to my math teacher.  Of course, she calls on me to solve some problem on the board.  I say "Mrs. Brown, I honestly don't know how solving this equation will help me in the future." I was going for the cheap laughs. (C'mon., I already admitted I didn't know the answer). Anyway, she exploded.  She proceeded to call me a loser, tell me I would never get into college, and that I would be lucky if I got a job digging ditches for the rest of my life. All of this, in front of the class.

So, needless to say, I was bummed and humiliated for the rest of the day.  I went home, saw my friend, who was dating a hairdresser chick at the time, and he said, "I know how to cheer you up! Tracy taught me the latest style in hair; I think I have it down. Let me give you a trim."  So I let him... but I didn't want my hair to shed on the carpet, so I grabbed
a paper bag from the kitchen and collected it as he cut. Sure enough, the next day I go to school, and instead of grabbing the paper bag full of my lunch, I grab the one with hair. I discover my blunder at lunch, and go hungry.  Then, walking into the restroom I get an idea. MATH was my next period, so, on a whim, I start putting the cut off hair back on my head.  Static electricity makes it stick.  I put most of it back in my hair and no one could tell 'cause it is really stuck in there.  I then went to math class. About ten minutes into the period I pulled out my brush and started brushing my hair. You guessed it...the girl behind me freaked, tapping my shoulder and saying "Ohmigod... your hair is falling out."  The teacher finally yelled "IS THERE A PROBLEM?" At which point I began to fake cry, announcing I had a rare sickness, one that was fatal, and caused your hair to fall out.  Keep in mind, this was ONE day after she had  humiliated me in front of the class. The next day she brought brownies... in honor of me!  As luck would have it, we moved out of state shortly after, but imagine the look on her face when I returned a year and a half later to graduate from my old stomping grounds, robust and healthy.

This is a true story. How could I make that one up? I'm not proud of it.

 

Illustration by: Sean Simmans

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