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Our Parents Told Us

Enter The Lie An Older Relative Told You
Click on MOM&DAD to send in a lie that you heard from either or both of your parents.  
Click on OTHERS to send in a lie from ANY older person who lied to you when you were a child: teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, older brothers and sisters, etc.


these are directly from Mom or Dad

When I was like 2 and a half or three my dad went deer hunting, the night he got home from his hunting trip he called me outside and showed me a dead deer in the back of his truck and told me that it was Bambie's mom
                --- Melissa

I don't know if this counts as a lie or not on this site but when I was a kid my dad used to buy Hagendaaz ice cream -- and we kids loved it! When he bought vanilla, we loved it and we ate it all up! And when he bought coffee flavor, we loved it and we ate it all up. And he kept buying the different flavors and we ate them all up until one day he bought Rum Raisin and we didn't eat it up. I think we each had about half a teaspoon before we realized that Rum Raisin was not the flavor for us. Dad loved Rum Raisin and he ate it all up -- and that was the only flavor of Haagendaaz that he ever bought again!

Now I think this qulifies as a lie because looking back on it, I realize that we thought at the time that he was buying all the different flavors because he loved us and wanted to please us -- little did we know it was a ruse. He was just searching out the one flavor that we couldn't stand and wouldn't eat before he got home from work.
                --- Stanley Mayers

In response to the following:


On tubes of toothpaste there is a warning that if you swallow more than the 'normal' amount during brushing, you are to call the poison control center immediately.
                --- Dave

When I was about 7, I asked my mom if she had been married before marrying my father, her reply was an off the cuff, yes. When I asked his name she said "johnny appleseed" and I believed her for years despite the fact that she had never been married before.
                --- Kris

when i whas about six or seven me and my cousin would run around on my yard.
well one day we had the yard sprayed for bugs.
do you have any idea what my mother told us to keep us off the yard???
she told us that if we walked one the yard our feet would turn geen and would stay thay that way for the rest of our lives,
I was afraid to walk on the grass for about 2 years.
                --- Staisha
Oshawa, Cananda9

When I was about 6 years old I would not eat any vegetables so my mother came up with some "lies" to try to persuade me to... There was this old homeless man who would walk every morning through our neghbourhood with a big brown bag on his shoulder, and my mom used to call him the "hombre de la bolsa" (I am Uruguayan). She used to tell me that if I didn't eat my vegetables the hombre de la bolsa would come and get me, and put me in his bag, since that was what he did for a living... I also remember being very impresed when I once saw a person with a skin disorder which caused her to have different colors black/pink in her skin.. Untill I was about 12 years old I believed that that was caused by not eating carrots!!
                --- Gaby

Well, this is not a lie that I was told but a lie I constantly hear Parents telling their kids. I am a cop and when I eat in a restaurant I ALWAYS hear a parent telling theier kid that if they don't eat all their food I will arrest them. So I kindly tell the kids AND the parents that it just is not true, because my job is to arrest BAD people that BREAK the law, not because kids don't eat all their food. You cannot imagine how it might make a kid terrified of the police.
                --- Animal

my mom divorced my dad when i was 3 and told me he was "my old father". i guess she wanted me to look for a NEW one. ha ha.
                --- anon

The Easter Lie:
When I was small, I asked my parents if it was really the Easter Bunny who brought chocolate eggs to our house at Easter. They told me that it wasn't the Easter Bunny; it was his cousin Rupert who had to help out because the Easter Bunny didn't have enough time to come to our house.
                --- erin

The Easter Lie:
When I was small, I asked my parents if it was really the Easter Bunny who brought chocolate eggs to our house at Easter. They told me that it wasn't the Easter Bunny; it was his cousin Rupert who had to help out because the Easter Bunny didn't have enough time to come to our house.
                --- "Anon"

If you keep doing that your face is gonna freeze that way forever.
                --- Audra

When i was about 7 ( and i still believed in Santa Claus) i received a Nintendo System. My mother said to me...

"Well Santa heard what u want cause you've been asking for it for a long time and he finally got u it"

i was so psyched cause now i really believed in him. The next day i heard my mother talking on the phone and heard her say " Well i picked up a Nintendo System for $70 at Canadian Tire..." Lets just say that there were no milk and cookies the next Christmas. End of story
                --- Rachel

When I was five years old I asked my dad about thunder. He told me that thunder was God bowling. Not a really damaging lie, right? I went to school and when the teacher asked what thunder was I told her in a very serious manner that it was God bowling. Everyone laughed and I felt like crawling under a rock.
                --- terry

When I was a lil'girl, my daddy told me that when I chewed my bubble gum, and I swallowed it....that it was going to go through my body..into my poop bag...and it would make my ass cheeks stick together. eventually causing nothing to escape. Therefore I would blow up, and poo would splatter on the walls and floors and anything else around! I actully did swallow my gun once, at school, adn I cried an d cried, and my teacher asked me what was wrong and I told her that I was going to blow, and if she didn't wanna be splattered with poo, she better step back. I cried for a week, I was so upset.
                --- Brandi


When I was little my mom and dad used to tell me that to get a baby they would have a conference. They would decide whether they wanted a boy or girl and would raise a green flag up to God to let him know that they wanted a kid.

                --- Ted

Being somewhat of a picky eater, my mother would go to any means to get me to try new things. One night she cooked asparagus and told me they were "fat green beans". To this day I can't stomach asparagus.
                --- Syd

Swallow Seeds Lie
When I was a kid my parents told me if I ate to many watermelon seeds a watermelon would start to grow in your stomach. But I still swallowed them after that.
                --- Tina Chapman

actually, my mother and i told this lie to my brother, but mom started it. we told him that tampons were for nosebleeds. (nevermind than no one in our house had EVER had a nosebleed.)
                --- lisa

My mother told me when i was going through sex education that I could definately get pregnant from oral sex, in fact it was more likely. Not only that, but her best friend had gotten pregnant this very way!

                --- Tiffany

All of my life my mother had told me and other adults that they were not to come into the house after a wake without going into a store or someone else's house to shed the aura of death or you'll bring death to our family. Needless to say I'm 38 and to this day I must go out of my way to enter another place before coming home. I did it after her wake as well. Some parents just know how to control minds, people and emotions.
                --- Andre

My sister's and I were sound asleep in our beds and my Dad ran up and down the hallway yelling, "Come quick, come quick! There's an elephant on the front yard! Come quick." We all jumped out of bed in our pajamas and ran out to see the elephant on the front yard. When we got there, there was no elephant. My dad stood in the doorway laughing, "April Fools!"
                --- Ed

When i was about 9 years old, i was taking a ride in the car with my father and my sister, i looked up at the sky and commented how the clouds looked like cotton candy. Well, my father and my sister shared a look and proceeded to make up a story about how cotton candy is made from clouds. They said that skydivers jumped out of planes with buckets, caught the clouds, and covered the buckets with cheesecloth. Then, when they got back on the ground, the added sugar and color. I actually believed it.
                --- Meadow

When I was little I used to lie to get my brother in trouble. So my dad told me if I ever lied again my eyes would turn green! So whenever I lied I always shut my eyes.
                --- Abby

When I was about 7, I had a doll whose arms fell off. My mother had me write a letter saying how much I loved the doll and would they mend her, and we sent her back to the manufacturer. A few weeks later back she came with new arms, but otherwise looking the same.

Not long after that her arms fell off again. This time, my mother took her back to the shop while I was at school. When I got home, my mother told me the man from the doll company had been visiting the shop that day. He had mended my doll's arms, and while he was at it, he had touched up the paint on her face, brushed her hair, and given her some new clothes. "What a nice man," I thought, and I was very happy.

It was years before I found out that it was a new doll my mother had brought home, not my old one at all. I was very upset when I found out, because I had been loving the wrong doll for years.
                --- "Anon"

My mom and dad used to tell me that, because I was getting horrible grades in high school, I would never make anything of myself. This must have been the most damaging lie anyone ever told me, because even all through college my parents maintained that it was true. Now I'm a successful actress, which is exactly what I wanted to be. I _know_ it was a lie!
                --- the zebra

My older sister used to eat dry dog food out of the dog's dish (she wanted to be a dog). When my dad found out, he told her that she would get worms if she kept eating it, and that the tan specks in the dog food were worm eggs that would hatch in her stomach.

For years after that, I wouldn't touch dog food, but would look at it closely in the dog's dish looking for signs of worms.
                --- kim

My dad told me that if I played with my bellybutton too much, my butt would fall off. I've never played with my bellybutton in my life.
                --- Sarah

When I was little my parents told me that lying was the worst thing a person could do BOY WAS THAT A LIE
                --- matlafind

My mother tells me to this day that I'm going to hell because I don't go to church.

                --- Jude

When I was in grade school and later high school my father would tell me that if I didn't do well in school and go to college that I would be a garbage man. Well I didn't do well in school and I didn't go to college and now I get paid to read sites likes this. Showed him...
                --- korten

Whenever my mother would catch us making faces at
each other, she would tell us that one day they would stick that way.
She also told us that eating too many coughdrops at once would cause black hair to grow on our tongues
                --- Josh Grace

When my husband was a boy, his mother told him that if he lied he'd get a red dot on his forehead that only his mother could see, everytime he lied to her he'd put his hand on his forehead. She also told him that the squerrls in their attic was his crazy brother Eric, and if he was bad she'd lock him up in the attic with Eric.

                --- "Anon"

When I was a teenager, my dad encouraged me to be sexually active. He said I shouldn't worry about any consequenses, because "only whores get VD."
                --- "Anon"

When I was little, my father told me that if i swallowed too much toothpaste while I was brushing my teeth, then my stomach would have to be pumped.
                --- "Anon"

My mom saw my cousin digging her finger up her nostril and putting the booger in her mouth and my mom said to her, "You know, Jill, if you eat your boogers you'll get worms."
                --- "Anon"

When I was around three or four, I was with my parents at a store that was about to close for the night. Since I wasn't ready to leave, my mother told me that someone was in a store when it closed he or she would turn into a mannequin. Because she had made it up off the top of her head, she promptly forgot about it. I reminded her the next time a store announced it was closing and I bolted for the door
                --- Summer C.

Our mom and dad used to tell us all the time that "children who play with matches wet the bed".
                --- C Jones

My mom and dad used to tell me that if I killed a
praying mantis that I would get back luck. I hate spiders. I have killed one before, and I didn't get bad luck...

                --- Lynn

My mom used to beat the hell out of me and she would be yelling, "This hurts me more than it does you!" Yeah, right!
                --- Jezzie

I was about ten years old and it was summer and I was out late playing with some friends and knew I was supposed to be home before dark but I knew my mom was drunk and so I stayed out late. When I came in I was terrified. What would she do? She asked me to come close to her and I said, "No, you're gonna hit me." She was drunk, "No, I promise." I believed her and when I got within arm's reach she swung a hair brush out from behind her back and smacked me across the jaw.
                --- James

these are from Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, Syblings etc.

My step-brothers told me that muskrats lived in this ol' abandoned house, and they'd eat your clothes off.
                --- XmikeX

When I was a kid, my aunts would amuse themselves by telling me that a giraffe was out on the lawn. First, it was, "Mike, a giraffe is out the bathroom window!" I'd run to the bathroom window, and they'd holler, "No, he's out the front window, now!" Then the back, the bedroom, etc. I'd run 'til I tired myself out... Damn, I really woulda liked to've seen that giraffe...
                --- XmikeX

When I was about 4 or 5 my uncle asked me to shake my head side to side really fast. after I had done that he then asked "Did you hear that sound? it's a rubber ball I put in your head while you were sleeping" I begged him to take it out but he refused. my mom finally told me days later that it wasn't true.
                --- Ken Bauer

When I was 5 years old, I went to my Grandparents house for Easter becouse the Easter bunny would stop at their house and leave me really cool things, but as I ran though the door and into the living room where my Easter basket had alway been for years, there was nothing. In shock, I asked if the easter bunny had forgot me? My GrandMa camly told me "the easter bunny shit on the floor so I had to shoot him", and I wouldn't be getting anymore easter baskets becouse he was dead. Over the years, I always enjoyed getting my easter baskets from my parents and other family members, but knew that they weren't really from the Easter bunny becouse my grandma killed him.
                --- Melissa

The security guard at my junior high took me into his office he told me he was going to "search me for weapons." What he really did was grope my genitals.
                --- "Anon"

My friend told me that when she was little, her older sisters would go into the closet and come out wearing different clothes. She would say hi to them (lets say their names were Jill and Kim) and they would say, "I'm not Jill (or Kim), I'm her secret friend. Jill (or Kim) is in secret friend land." When she would try to pull the same, they would say, "Yeah, right. We know its just you in different clothes." I think these same sisters told her that she was adopted.
                --- Angela

My Grandmother used to tell me that if I ever hit her my arm would stick out of the grave. That's why they had to bury people so deep.
                --- Michael

My grandmother watched us while are mother worked. She used to lie.

"Get off the ground, if you don't you'll get hemorrhoids."

"If you play with fire you will pee your bed."

"If you keep making that face it will freeze that way."

"If you swallow gum it will have to be surgically removed." I never believed that because once in a while I will still do it and I'm an adult now.

As for her other lies: I didn't believe them either. I would sit on the ground all the time when I was younger and play with matches and still frown. None of her lies ever came true.

                --- Rita Fox

When I was little, my uncle told me that spinich was dead grasshoppers. After he told me that I couldn't eat spinich for 3 years.
                --- John

When I was a little girl, I lived with my grandparents who raised cattle and subsequently, butchered thier own beef. My favorite part of any cut of meat is the fat. Once when we were all having our evening meal, my uncle Donnie told me that eating the fat would make you obesen and turn your hair green. I still eat the fat, I weigh 105 lbs and my hair is still brown at 39 years old.

                --- Rita Fox

The fingernail Lie
You know those little white stuff that appers under your fingernails. Well grandma would tell me every time you tell a lie you have white lies on your fingernails.Now I know there just there because you have a vitamin deficiency.
                --- Anon

The fingernail Lie
You know those little white stuff that appers under your fingernails. Well grandma would tell me every time you tell a lie you have white lies on your fingernails.Now I know there just there because you have a vitamin deficiency.
                --- Anon

My grandfather told me that drinking coffee would make feathers grow on my toes AND stunt my growth. It was the reason my mother was short (4'11").
                --- Tricia Galbraith

When i was a little kid we lived next to the woods in new jersey. anybody that knows about the jersey devil knows how that legend really came about. i didn't. near the woods was a tiny burnt down house with only the foundation still standing. my older brother and his friend told me that the jersey devil really came from the guy who used to live there. he was a "mad scientist" who came to live in the woods to get away from eveybody because they persecuted him for being "strange". suppossedly he used to do experiments and all these mutated cross-animals would come about as a result. one of those was a half-human half-devil guy (the jersey devil). of course the only ones who know about this "real" version of the jersey devil are the ones who lived on our block. well the mad scientist apparently had a little accident with his experiments and the house caught on fire releasing all the mutated animals. amongst those was the devil/human and a giant rabbit to name a few. i was so scared to even leave the house for weeks after. being from a catholic famliy i didn't want anything to do with a devil of any sort. and this giant rabbit was pretty huge because he could travel far in a short period of time because my brother spotted it many times in the following weeks.
                --- divineclown420

When i was a very small child of about 3 or 4, my sisters (both older) ganged up on me and had me convinced that i was dropped off on the doorstep by a band of gypsies. Every time they wanted to make me cry (which was rather often) they would just call me "gypsie girl".
                --- Meadow

I come from a really dysfunctional family. Well, now that I look back on it, it seems dysfunctional. I remember my mom mostly as being passed out on the sofa or the floor with her dentures next to her head. I was four years old and I had already gotten so used to my mom being passed out most of the time that I remember teaching myself how to use a can opener so that I could make soup. I remember standing on a chair in front of the oven so that I could stir the soup. I remember opening the drawers underneith the cabinets where the glasses were so that I could climb up onto the counter and get a glass to drink water from.

When mom was a wake she was more likely to beat me with a coat hanger than kiss me or feed me.

And I remember her one night handing me a telephone and saying, "This is your sister. She lives in New York." This sister was in her mid twenties and she spoke with me on the phone, telling me, her four year old brother, that she loved me. How could she have left me in the clutches of an alcoholic child abuser and then tell me she loved me. I didn't believe it when I heard it at four and I didn't believe it when she said it to me later. I went through a living hell and I was completely abandoned by the one person that could have saved me. Her "love" was a lie.
                --- "Anon"

The biggest lie I was ever told was that I was FREE. In this country in 1913 they formed a central bank, a monetary monopoly. They used their stolen usury to buy out BOTH sides of the political fence and usurp your vote. Doesn't matter who you vote for when secret societies control both sides of the fence! And all because people are ignorant about how money really works and the history of the Federal Reserve. Isn't it about time that you learned how our money is CREATED? It's created out of AIR by inflating your pocket money. They are stealing from you and using your stolen money to sponsor "profitable" wars in foreign countries. Wars which are prearranged. Educate yourself or perish.
                --- Ken Webber

As a child, I was always told that if your are nice, honest, caring and good to everyone you meet, everyone you meet will be the same in return....That was a BIG LIE! I have learned now that it just makes you more vunerable to pain.
                --- SB

When I was 7 my older friend and I were walking back to her farm. On the way there she saw a dead beetle and proceeded to tell me it was a very dangerous beetle. It would raise up on its hind legs and could run faster than a lion. If it caught you and bit you, you would be dead before you hit the ground. (earlier she also told me the house that was abandon on the same dirt road was full of vampires and witches). Needless to say, on my way home by myself, I ran..very fast...screaming my head off.
                --- Amy

When I was 4 or 5, I was at church with my grandmother and I asked my her why they ring a bell during mass. She said it was because the priest heard someone talking.

About ten years later, I was sitting in church with the mother of one of my friends and the bell rang. I turned to my friend's mom and whispered "I didn't hear anyone." She had no idea what I was talking about, so I explained what my grandmother had told me. She laughed so hard she nearly peed herself. Apparently that's not what the bell is for.
                --- Betsy

My wonderful older sister told me that the reason for a DEAD END street sign was to let people know there were dead bodies at the end of the street......I didn't find out different until taking drivers ed.
                --- leslie

My wonderful older sister told me that the reason for a DEAD END street sign was to let people know there were dead bodies at the end of the street......I didn't find out different until taking drivers ed.
                --- leslie

I loved to spend my saturday afternoons riding along with my grandfather. One day there was a dead dog lying on the side of the road . to ease the thought of the dead dog my grandfather said "Well that is a dangerous place for a puppy to sleep." His little lie only made things worse -I cried all the way home that day because I wanted to go and wake the dead puppy
                --- RILLEY

When I was a kid my older sister used to tell me lies all the time (and being little, of course I believed her). One of the best she ever told me was the erasers were made from the sun. There were men in sun proof spaceships, and sun proof space suits, and they would fly up to the sun and take chunks of it with tongs. When it cooled, it turned into erasers.

                --- John

My great grandfather died of alcoholism at the age of 42. My Uncle Bill tells me he really wasn't an alcoholic - that booze was the only medicine they had for "sick" people back then.

                --- Jude

My uncle said that we should take care of females. That a female will take good care of the males back o i married her (the stupid *@#$%
                --- John Paul Jones

Said that we should take care of females.
                --- John Paul Jones

Being that I was a finicky little girl, my grandfather used to tell me that if I didn't eat the crust on my bread I would grow hair on my chest. He also said that ice cream was "no good".
                --- Kimberly

A friend of mine's uncle used to tell her that the reflectors on the road were "road braille" so that blind people could drive.
                --- "Anon"

Every teacher in my school is a damn liar! I'm in Jr. High and they all treat me like I'm a baby. They say things like, "You're going to need this when you grow up." That is a lie. Why in the heck am I going to need to know about how to analyze a poem when I grow up??
                --- Kevin

I can't remember who told me this one but I remember adults constantly calling those painful white spots that I would occasionally get on my tongue little white white lies. They used to tell me that if I lied I would get more of those little painful cankor sores.
                --- Chris

From the time I was about seven to eleven years old my baby sitter used to let me watch the porn videos with her.  I asked her why she liked them so much and she said, "They're very educational."
                --- Rene

When I was younger I would role my eyes up in the back of my head so that all you could see was the whites of my eyes. My grandparents used to get really freaked out by this and yell, "If you keep doing that, you're eyes are going to stick like that!" Well, they haven't yet.
                --- Tracy

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Our Thanks to Matt Wright for the original forms script.
Additional perl and cgi scripts can be found at Matt's Script Archive








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