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Is He A Cheater and a Liar?

He Is A Cheater and a Liar
Cherry      (age: 46)

Nine years ago, I was going through a bad divorce...

Cherry asked us what she should do about her lover who won't leave his wife.  Click here to read her story.  Below you can read what everyone else thinks.  (It's not pretty.)


Lies People Tell


Should Cherry wait the eleven months, or dump him now?



                --- "Anon"

I can't believe all the responses in the other collumn! Can't you all see that she MUST wait for him!! What if something is wrong with him and that is the reason why he doesn't seem to be able to leave his wife? I think she owes it to him to be loyal forever, even though he isn't.
                --- Kerry

                --- wforce

Hey Cherry,

If you dump him now, you'll be left with nothing! If you wait, at least you'll have something....
And if he's ready to retire, you're probably no spring chicken yourself, so what difference does it make anyway?
If he leaves his "gay" wife(that's a lie too by the way), then you're great...if he doesn't leave her, then you're no worse off. You don't have to be sitting by the way side waiting either, actively look for another man within the next few months. If you find a new one, leave the bum, if not, you still have's time you start taking care of yourself!

Good luck!
                --- A young, honest, working man.

I say go get a 3-some with his gay wife
                --- George Hackling

You've waited almost 9 years, maybe another more won't matter that much, take that much time to think in what you want to do and analyze how much this guy is part of your future life. Make him be aware of what he said, continue, be the real person you are, keep your personal life dream in mind, and think if you love him that much. He can't lie to you anymore, he'll marry you.
                --- Gerardo

I'm surprised she's waited as long as she has.
                --- tester



He obviously has no intentions of keeping his promises to you. Don't be a fool. Make it clear that you are ready to settle down or move on if he doesn't choose one of you. He is only using you
and he is being totally inconsiderate of your feelings and emotions. If he really loved you and had any intentions of being only with you, then believe me,he would have done it long ago. Get out of this relationship before it ruins your life and your faith in good men. You deserve better.
                --- "Anon"

First and foremost if he is cheating on his wife with you what makes you think he will not do it to you.......dump the bastard.....dont you put any value on yourself....
                --- "Anon"

the guy is a loser. he is using you for a piece of ass. If he really loved you he would be with you. it's your own fault for sricking around and letting him use you. get some respect for yourself and get out of the relationship.
                --- "Anon"

Obviously he is just dragging you along. He says he will never leave you because he needs someone to be there when the other women aren't. It's hard because you've spent so much time with him, but it's now time for you to move on to bigger and better.
                --- "Anon"

Girl, get a life your own, you don't need him and if you decide to hang in and hope things will be different then go out and keep all your options open. Have the best of both worlds. Use him for everything you can. Take a lover or lovers (just make sure it's safe sex) I say that he is a selfish bastard who only gives a shit about himself and your a whacko for waiting around for him. If you feel you have to keep hoping then work
it for all that you can. Does he pay your rent or anything? If he does pay your living expenses then what to hell go for as much as you can get. cuz you can count on the fact that he is going to keep playing you as long as he can. I would work it for the most that I could. (if your going to hang in there.) I would kick the bastard in the ass personally and get to hell on with my own life but I guess it is hard if you think that you really love him. Suck it up in whatever you decide to do. At least go out with something. Does he have a brother or any relation you could go out with. I would get as much as I could then go out with his brother and rub it in his face. Then ask him blatently in front of a group of people how he likes being made an ass out of.......
                --- Tuffie

how can you you build a relationship based on mistrust and infidelity??? can him, cherry... you can do far better!!!
                --- lj

This "I will leave, but I am waiting for..." sounds frighteningly familiar to me. My married lover has been telling me for the past three months that he will leave his wife so we can be together, but he is waiting for his son to get through that last tough year of high school. Ten months he tells me and we will be together.
Thank you for this survey, it is an eye opener. Cherry, tell your rotten, cheating lover to go to hell and I will tell mine the same.
                --- Rosy

                --- Janet

This ignorant pig is definitely just interested in sex! You should give him the boot, at least half way up his ass. Time is running out, and yes life is short. Move On!
                --- Anon

He is full of it. She doesn't have common sense.
Anyone who stays in a relationship for 8.5 years
wants to be played and needs to be played. She
should have never believed the dog unless he immediately presented an engagement ring. I don't
feel remorse for her because she enjoys being treated badly.
                --- aejo

The hardest thing to face, when you are with a liar,is the constant worry and anxiety you have to endure.
I know you will be much happier if this man is out of your life. It will be hard for a while, but in the long run, you will be better off.
                --- Eva

Cherry, he is a cheat and a liar! He's just taking advantage of you for all that you have. Stop wasting your time and move on. He's just a snake. He doesn't deserve you...or anyone else.
                --- Arin

My dear, you deserve better.....he is a leech(sp?)
and my mother used to tell me that leeches will only latch unto a host that allows them the blood that they matter how much tearing and prying this vermin off of you might hurt, it will be better than knowing he is not bleeding you to death.


                --- LOLA

One set of words: A leopard never changes its spots. You will be 90 years old and he could be on his death bed and still not divorced from his wife.
                --- anon

Cherry, cut your losses, and dump the lying creep now! It's never worth it!
Been there; done that. This was the lie told to me: "My wife was raped, and she is emotionally unreachable. She threw me out, and threw all my belongings on the front lawn." Being a stupid, naiive 23-year-old, I bought the sad tale of woe. Being an educated and otherwise intelligent person, I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe his story. Well, the sex was great, and fortunately for me, I was probably was using him as much as he was using me. I, of course, tried to convince myself that I loved him. I was fairly newly married at the time. My husband and I moved to another state, he travelled, and I was lonely. This jerk at work paid attention to me. He professed his undying love, but I found out later that he had bedded another (older) woman at work! I broke it off with him and am married to the same guy 21 years later! I'm glad I didn't wreck my life over him.
                --- "Anon"

If he hasn't left his wife by now, he never will. Get on with your life, he's not worth it!!!
                --- Anon

i'm with that guy.....bwa hahahahahahahahaha!--
dump the bastard!

                --- lisa

Why waste another moment of your precious life?
                --- "Anon"

Cherry, you should leave him alone. That may seem hard but, the longer you stay and keep being around him it can only bring you more pain. Do you honestly think that he will marry you? if he does then will he stop cheating and lieing.
                --- holly roberts

Please, Cherry, get out. NOW. The only thing more difficult than leaving this relationship will be putting up with any more of this guy's sh!#. Sounds like you know in your heart who & what he is. Of course leaving & starting fresh will be tough as hell, but you owe yourself every opportunity for happiness. Go get it.
                --- "Anon"

Life is to short to waste anymore time on this guy. You need to be strong now and move on. It may be hard at first any you will be lonely. But, in the long run when you look back on your life, you wont have to regret wasting anymore of your life with this cheatin' lyin' man. Don't settle. There is someone special out there for you, but first you have to love yourself. That will never happen if you stay with this guy. Be strong.


After a while you learn the subtle difference
Betwen holding a hand and chainaing a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,
And you being to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept you defeats with you head up and eyes open, with the grace of adult, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is to
uncertain for plans
After whle you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get to much
So, plant your garden and deocrate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers and you learn that your really can edure. . that you really are strong and you really have WORTH!!


                --- Amy

You already know the answer. And all human beings, men and women alike, are worth more than the long running movie you've both been acting in.
Set yourself free and give him what he deserves!
                --- Lori

The reason i say dump him now is because as you see, its been 8 1/2 years and 11 months he's been makin up excuses and lying but the truth is he really don't want to leave his wife, so i feel you should just move on with your life without him. i've been through a similar situation and i'm only 17.
                --- Yolanda

Don't wait for him. Don't give him the satisfaction of having you wait for him. Leave him now while he doesn't expect it coming.
                --- Dei

His pattern of behavior shows he doesn't want to
get married to you, and if he cheated on you twice he will cheat again.
                --- Waarthog

Well, this will be easier to type than it will be for you to do, and I sympathize with you BUT, he has left you with no alternative but to leave him. He has lied to you before many times, we can assume he won't change. I think you know this already, but don't have the self-esteem, means or support you need to leave. The problem here is, how to leave him? Get some support from someone with whom you value their opinion or a private counselor to help you get yourself in order for the move. Take it one small step at a time if need be to help make this change in your lifestyle less overwelming. Ya know, moving out doesn't mean you can't reconsider him later if things change in your favor. If he is serious about wanting to marry you, he can always look you up in the phonebook.
We only go around once in this life...what a shame to waste it on one liar's empty promises.
                --- "Anon"

sweetheart he cheated with you, on his wife, he has cheated on you,,,wake up and smell the lies.
get out now. u are lieing to yourself believeing he will be only with u
                --- joy

This guys a loser. DUMP HIM!!!!!!!!
                --- Helen Holden

Please tell me how she handled the pain all of those years.
                --- l. chandler

Unless Cherry likes being a doormat, she should dump him now. He will most certainly find another reason to put her off after retirement.
                --- "Anon"

Why drag the torture on any longer? It'll always be something....graduation, retirement, surgery whatever......

                --- Lisa

RUN, don't walk to the nearest exit! Every day you hang on to this guy is another day your self-esteem sinks a little lower, and a little lower. No one is worth believing their lies......good luck!
                --- Gena

Once a lear, always a liar. Don't believe a word that spills out of his ass. Get rid of the cheating bastard, no one deserves someone like that. He will never change, and he's keeping you around as insurance he'll never be alone. Show him what it's like.
                --- E. Darkcrow

Get out now! You deserive better then to be led aroud by that dog's leash!.

                --- Shannah

Get rid of that loser and cheater now before he suckers you into anything else!

                --- Kathy

It's a moot point. Neither one of you are intimate; you seem to be getting what you need.

                --- Dawn

The most logical thing to do is to dump the prick...however, it's really not that easy, especially having gone through so much together. I know the feeling, because I'm still in love with a jerk who lies more than O.J. Simpson.
                --- H.Ngo

how about, "dump him 8 1/2 years ago"?

                --- dp

Is he that good? Kick his sorry, wimpy ass to the curb  .EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS? SAY WHAT?!!!  You still have a chance to meet others.  Leave in dignity, and let him look like a fool.  Be gracious.  Bow out gracefully.  I have never been in your shoes.  I never will. I am much younger than you.  I have learned that no matter what, always look out for yourself.   Take care of you! You're entitled to be loved, cherished, and worshipped.  Yes, darling. You are all that, plus a bag of chips.  Always see yourself happy.  Get and take only the best life has to offer.   You owe it to yourself.  You deserve to treat  yourself better.  Claim happiness.  You are entitled to happiness and honesty.  CLAIM IT.  Believe in the Nike commercial: just do it.  Let me hear from you.  Protect and care about you.  Remember, you are number one.
                --- Tracy

You should just focus on yourself for a while and not even THINK about this guy.
                --- Rex



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